Sunday, February 1, 2009

A Roasting

BG has decided that she needs to meet the Brit. Point in fact, she has decided that I am not in charge of my own destiny (cuz I kinda failed that one the first time around) so destiny will not be permitted until she has stamped her approval on it. This is so pressing to her that she's even thinking of flying in from Jersey. OooOO, this sounds deliciously Sopranos. I wonder who gets killed if it fails the test.

So to honor a British tradition of Sunday Roast (sorry to the vegos out there), we're going to open up our lovely Sunday afternoon blog forum to whoever wants to comment. What do YOU want to know from the Brit or about the Brit? What is the one question that I absolutely have to ask no matter how scary or difficult it might be since I kind of adore him?

Or even better yet, maybe I'll set up a roasting luncheon and you can all come and take your turns with him ;) Hmm .. that might be a little much for him. You all are such lovely and personable ladies that you might try to win his heart (and iieee would do a great job at it cuz she's breathtakingly charming ;))

Anyway, ask away (LY - I can feel your sensible questions burning before I even post this), and I promise to deliver all the questions and keep myself out of harm's way, which is the whole reason why you want to know. Please restrict your questions to be those that actually are answerable, and not 'do rubber bearded chickens really crow at noon on Wednesdays'. Men don't seem to understand how to interact with that type of rhetorical questions, and we wouldn't want him absolutely failing just because he didn't know to say 'Yes.'

Love to my masses.


b. said...

Does this skirt make my ass look fat?

Sister Pottymouth said...

Um, what b. said.

Or how about, "Do you consider yourself experienced in dealing with psychotic ex's?"

AzĂșcar said...

Are you a pedophile?

How long was your longest relationship?

Tell me why your last 5 relationships ended?

Do you drink and if so how much and does your family have a history of alcoholism?

I have more, like way more.

Tiffany UnTwisted said...

b. -- he's engligh, not scottish. but i will wear a skirt and quiz him on it. although i'm not sure he'll really be thinking about my ass at that point. i'm kind of hot in a dress ;)

SP -- i haven't had a chance (or desire) to explain about the many challenges of having previously married an OCD -- insert word nicer than prick here -- but i'm sure we'll get there.

Azu -- uh, yeah. you're scary. maybe i'll keep him away from you. :) just kidding. he has no pedophile record on file (that i can find, but then again British courts might be weird about publishing that kind of stuff); longest relationship was 6 years; umm, he's only had 2 and not 5 (how should i read that, oh infinite wisdom?); yes, no idea about the alcoholism. he's cool with me not drinking though and as long as i don't get that pressure than we'll be good. yeah, haven't told him about that weird ex- thing either. and i'll be sure that maybe you get to say hi while he's in town. i suppose you've earned that right ;)

i i eee said...

Look at YOU, being the charmer! Let's not forget a certain 23 year old dumbass has my heart. Even the hottest of accents couldn't shake my affection for this daft virile youth.

So wait, are these supposed to be potential serious boyfriend questions? Or just getting to know you so I know whether or not I should like you questions?

Questions I always ask potential serious boyfriends:

What's your history with pornography?

(It's always better when they're truthful about what problems they have or may have had with it. The last guy I dated said, "It's not a problem." Liar liar, pants on fire. It's something I ask not just because they should tell me all of their dirty secrets, but a lot of guys just don't think it's that big of a deal. It's something I'd like to be on the same page about.)

What's your history with gambling?

Are you going to complain that you can't buy as many comic books anymore because you have to buy me dinner every once in a while?

Don't you think you should shave your back?

(Oh. Sorry. I think I'm projecting here.)

Getting to know you to see if I like you questions:

Are you a picky eater?

Are you even sorta gay?

Yeah, that kind of thing.

AzĂșcar said...

ii ee has great questions.


What gives you the RIGHT?

How DARE you?

(Sorry, those are from the Office.)

La Yen said...

What is your feeling on the Reuben Sandwich?

Dalek or Sontaran?

How much shelf space will I have to devote to the toys you will never take out of their boxes and let my son play with?

How many ninjas can you take in a fight?

How are you going to prevent Tiffany from being your Baby Mama?

Tiffany UnTwisted said...

iieee: yes, serious possibility questions.

1. no idea bout the porn, but you're right! i have to be a bigger porn star than anything else he thinks about potentially watching.

2. i've seen him gamble, but don't think he has a problem with it. just did it for fun in vegas, and he didn't really hit the $1K tables so I think we're good there. i'll ask anyway -- just to be safe.

3. comic books -- we haven't gone there yet. i honestly didn't think he hit this stratesphere in nerdom, but it doesn't hurt to check.

4. shaving back = not a problem (sorry for your projections -- does 23-yr old have that problem? umm, i might have to axe him off the list for you)

5. picky eater -- don't think so because he made paella and chicken curry for dinner on separate occasions (although i'm sure Azu's better).

6. sort gay -- dude. he's British. of course he's sort of gay. i can't hardly pick out a gay men over there because they all meld together! clingy, muscle defining blue sweaters aside, he is definitely not swinging in the direction.

anything else?

Azu: you can dish those out during your face-to-face session. you MIGHT need to preface them with a little color first.


1. hopefully, the answer is gross, but being British, he probably likes them. I know his favorite soup is Pea & Ham, which I called him out as too proper English. i also secretly hope that i'll be the one doing the cooking, but who knows.

2. i think you just out nerded both Azu & myself, which is almost next to impossible. I heart Dr Who. He is probably too young to even know what Dr Who is, but i'll ask!

3. Since we dealt with this problem previously, the answer will be no (and i don't honestly care what comes out of his mouth as long as he understands that the answer will end up being no). but i can breathe a sigh of relief and say that thankfully i don't think we'll have this problem.

(and as aside for all of you, i have recently started taking down all of the Star Wars toys that my kids were not allowed to play with and giving them to Leo. he loves them. should i put them on eBay?)

4. definite props for this question, and i'll be sure to ask.

5. marriage. oh, wait! that was me projecting, i think. he actually wants to be with Tiffany and have 1 more baby but not in the near (read: anytime in the next 18 months) future (this is what Tiffany thinks although she has no idea what kind of timing he thinks about, but anything after 18 months means that i'm getting a little older and not really feeling like being hugely pregnant so we'll see). And he'll be Daddy to all 4 kids, which you all know has completely melted my heart.

Proper answer: condoms, even though i'm pretty sure you may have been looking for abstinence :)

La Yen said...

If he is British and has no Dr Who opinions he must go.

Boom! Roasted!

i i eee said...

Sadly I wouldn't know if the virile youth had a hairy back. Le sigh. I was thinking about my nasty ex-boyfriend.

I have to say I'm feeling very ashamed that I'm clueless on the Dr. Who front.

p.s. I'm really excited for you!

BowlerGirl said...

I will remind you, you were the one who called for a reality check. That is my new self given title:

"First Lady of the Reality Check"

Yes, I am very willing to come out to SLC and break kneecaps if needed. There are many necessary things a girl can learn out in Jersey, that is just one of them.

I think the porn question is of significant relevance. You already heard my digs on pedophilia.

Most importantly, boxers or briefs?