Saturday, February 28, 2009

Amazingness Abounding

I was getting dressed tonight for my Saturday evening blind date, and something fabulous happened. I'm talking MUY fabuloso. I pulled out my favorite pair of Seven jeans that just always make me feel amazing even on a bad hair day like today. I haven't put these on since I was pregnant with Leo. And TADA!!! A size 27 onto my ass. I glowed. Only 5 more pounds to go and I'm back to where I was before Leo got here. WOO HOO!!!!

Oh, and the date was fine -- nothing more, nothing less. At least he wasn't a serial killer as I'm still alive to tell the tale.

And did I mention that I FIT MY JEANS!!!! :)

Friday, February 27, 2009

Email is a Pain in the Arse

It's really hard NOT to email someone you want to talk to when it's 1am and there's no one else awake, but that person. It's so hard that you basically have to come post it on your blog so that you don't break down and send the email. Why is email so freaking easy to do, and yet so destructive at the same time? The worst part is when you know you aren't even on that person's mind. Blah.

Dear MSN Live -- I NEED MY HOT GOSSIP BACK so that I have something to do at 1am.

Dear ABC -- This is not the week to repeat all my shows so that I have nothing to watch at 1am.

Dear Hulu -- You suck because none of my shows will play without significant lag.

So instead, here's my non-email to my non-friend:

Dear non-friend.
I miss chatting with you. I know it's only been a week, but hey, it was fun to chat with you because it relieved a LOT of the stress from the work day and made me smile. I had lots of stress this week, but in the end there was some good stuff too. I can't share either with you, but I wanted to.
Peace out.
Tiffany Twisted
PS. Frou Frou -- Hear Me Out

And instead, here's my shout outs to some peeps. (as usual, don't be offended if you aren't mentioned because I'm sure I'll mention you at some point or another -- and keep in mind, it's 1am!!)

Dear Azu -- Thank you for not being mad when I yelled at you for not being around when I had a total meltdown and cried at work. Crying at work puts me in a bad mood because I don't like to show weakness (at work anyway). Although I did just email you and you haven't emailed me back. What's up with that?? You are always awake when I am.

Dear BG -- I think I'm coming to New York the 3rd week of March to visit customers. YEAH!! I can't wait to see you. Girls Night Out in NY sounds divine. Oh, and want to come to the UK with me in April for my birthday?

Dear iieee -- We should go out soon. We both need a little booty shakin' and I need some hilarious chickas in my life. You fit that profile, and I don't mind being seen in public with you. Rock on, divalicious babe.

Dear Lucky -- Can't wait to see you next week!!!

Dear Demon that Possesses My Stereo and Turns It on Every Morning at 1am -- STOP IT!!!!!!

Love to the Masses,

Makin' Life Easy

One week of working until 7:30pm each night + One week of no lunch breaks + One week of continued illness + One week of listening to an irritating mother + One week of nanny chaos + One week of not seeing my kids almost at all


One Laundry Service starting Monday
One Maid Service starting next Thursday
One new nanny starting as soon as I can find her
One painter to use the paint I bought to actually beautify my house
One handyman to actually install the dishwasher correctly and fix all the walls in the house
One commitment to not working after 6pm from now on


One Tiffany a whole lot more sound and satisfied.

In the Wee Small Hours

I woke up this morning bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6am because LittleMan was thinking he was ready for the day. By the time I convinced him the sun wasn't up yet, I was up for the day. The best part was that I held him for an hour before deciding to put him down, and I haven't had a chance to cuddle him like that in a long time. There's always something going on; things to do; life craziness. Sometimes, there's nothing in the world like being able to just cuddle up to your baby and watch their little face just gaze at you. Nothing else really matters.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

For Dalene: A Quickie

For those of you that don't get the low-down on a regular basis (and the backlog is a little out of control), here is a recap of my past 6 weeks and the major players:

Brit #1 = Leo's Dad
Brit #2 = Co-worker that I've known for the past 2.5 years
Brit #3 = Co-worker that I've known for the past 2 months
ICan'tPlan = dude from online dating site
GirlyMan = dude that works with Azu
TheNasties = all other dudes from online dating sites
TT = Tiffany Twisted (oh wait! that's me.)

Brit #1 said he was coming in February. Let's be honest, we all know this is a farce, but I do find it interesting that I told him not to bulls**t me and tell me he's coming when he's not, and yet he does it anyway. I think this is a British compulsion. No worries about TT though. She is not effected here any longer. Although I have no idea what to ever tell Leo and I feel like a complete failure on that Mom-front when it comes to his dad. This is why Leo needs a new dad, an awesome dad, some guy who's going to really teach him how to be a great guy. I can only teach him how to be great to women and to always love his mom even when she's a nut.

Brit #2 invited me to Vegas. This was interesting because we've had a thing for a couple of years now, and at 3am the week before, I just decided to come. I, who have not been spontaneous for at least 6 years, decided to just go and hang out in Vegas. I decided to be smart and drag Susie along to maintain some sanity during the weekend. I was a lune anyway, but this turned out to be not a worry because of 3 things:

1) Brit #2, sweet as he is, had the worst jet lag known to man and I only saw him for about 2 hours on the first night and about 2 hours while he slept next to me through the performance of O - and was completely paranoid that anyone at work would discuss the fact that he even knew me. Silly man. I don't gossip about my life, oh, and I remember to flirt with everyone so no one can accuse me of anything.

2) Brit #2 had secret co-crush on Susie. This pretty much killed any affection that I may have thought I would have for him because of previous problems with ex-husband that aren't appropriate to get into in a public forum. Oh my goodness, did I actually just restrain myself? Sue, I love your guts.

3) Brit #3 happened. No matter how I tried to maintain normal relations with Brit #2, it's just not there any longer. Even my flirting has been totally maimed. Hate it. I liked flirting with Brit #2. Everyone needs a stand-by flirt.

Brit #3 met me in Vegas. For me, there have been exactly 2 people in my entire life that I have met and had an undeniable connection with that was so unbelievably strong that despite all common sense, I just can't help it. Brit #3 and MrAtlanta (who I was with for 3 years and off/on for another 3 years and would still be with, but I was young and dumb and now it's impossible and that's that). Sad as this seems, even the X wasn't this connected. And it's not about sex. I can do sexual tension and walk away unscathed. I don't do mental/emotional connection and walk away unscathed very well. One slight complication: his fiance. I probably would have felt horrible about the fiance thing except that I actually had one of the most genuine and amazing men (who is also a bishop although this doesn't really mean much sometimes) tell me that until it hits the point of marriage, people should never feel constrained if they find the right thing somewhere else. Brit #3 was a pretty smooth talker too, although I know that I deserve to have a man really and honestly want me like that, I just don't believe that a man would actually ever love me like that. I can't imagine a man would actually make a sacrifice in his life for me; change things, want to just do it and make it happen. It is what it is, but he's happier in his current life, which isn't a fault as I'm sure it's a great life. I just wish he would have wanted to close his eyes and take the leap with me. THAT would have been amazing.

MrICan'tPlan has asked me out every weekend for the past 2 months, and I finally sent him a text last night saying I could do this Saturday. Mostly, to take my mind off Brit #3, and take Jim's advice to just say yes and think of it as practice even if it doesn't go anywhere.

GirlyMan flirted with me toward the end of really sad last week when I figured out that Brit #3 wasn't going to change his life for me. GirlyMan is a baby though so I doubt it would ever work, but I have people telling me that I need an older man and people telling me that I need a younger man. He is a tad on the young side (I'm being generously nice here as he was born in a completely different decade than I was), but hey! If he's cool with it, I'll take a chance. Mostly, because he's just the "fun" side of life and I don't have to think about anything serious with him. Who knows, maybe he thinks I'm a total old maid now that we've finally met.

TheNasties continue to ask me out and completely dim my hope that TT really ever will find anyone worth it.

So, generally been kind of painful experience, but I wouldn't trade it in as I absolutely adored someone for a few moments in my life. That is a great thing to have had. I would trade in the outcome because I have little glimmers of what it would be like, and it would be so happy. I love having a happy life. I have one, and I'd trade in anything for more happiness in my life. Although I just can't succumb to dating TheNasties to find more happiness. I do have SOME limits.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I'd Give Up Forever to Touch You

As a consolation prize for once again deflecting heart damage on the man front, I bought some fabulous new stilettos:I actually bought them in hot pink, but it's the same shoe. *Sigh* Shoes can really soothe the soul, oh and make you look so hot that people walking by can't help but gape at you. If you keep it a secret, I will tell you that I actually bought two pairs of consolation prizes tonight. Pair #2:

Monday, February 23, 2009

Grins & Giggles

The Avinator: Mom, I seriously put my leggings on this morning and it's not even cold outside.

Mom Thoughts: And there I was imagining how serious she looked putting her leggings on before I realized that she's just throwing that word in there and talking JUST LIKE ME!!

Line: Mom, I growed lots of inches since you last saw me, and next, I'm going to be 5 whole years old.

Mom Thoughts: A) I'm a workaholic and B) her birthday was about 3 weeks ago and she's already going to be 5 soon!!!!

Leo (staring intently at his binkie): Dada. *pause* Dada. *pause* Dada.

Mom Thoughts: What happened to Mamamamamama. I like that phase a WHOLE lot betta!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Sign Off.

Dear Brit #3,

It's true - you stole my heart for about 5 weeks. My heart is absolutely amazing, and you haven't earned it yet. So, I'm taking it back. I'm the ubber-bomb when it comes to women, and you will never find anyone as amazing as me. But go back to your life and figure it out. Once you figure out that I'm perfect, you can come get me, and maybe I'll still be around.

Until then, if you ever speak about my kids again, I will break you in half. Actually, if you ever use another woman's kids to get to her, I will break you for that too. That was the most not fair of all the lines dished out. Seriously, kids are off limits, unless you are for real, which you weren't. Also, if you ever mention the fact that I had a crush on you, I will have a paper burning ritual with your name on it to curse you for all lifetime.

Now ... back to my own life.

Dear Mr Man with the Girly Name,

Yes, you can ask me out. You're cute, and it was fun to flirt with you. Thanks for the pick-me-up on Friday.

And ...

Dear MrIcan'tPlan,

Yes, we can go out next Saturday. Sorry for ditching you this past weekend for the Brit even though you didn't know it was for the Brit. Yes, I will text message you.

And ...

Dear Brit #2,

Yes, I'll be your neighbor soon, and I'm excited too. Tell me where are good places to live with the kids so I know where to look next time I'm over. Yes, you can be my tour guide and help me find somewhere to live.

Twisted Makes You Smile With Your Heart.

Sunday mornings are the best. It's like the last part of the Saturday memories are clinging to you, and you can snuggle up and have one final smile before starting to prepare for the upcoming week. It is an apropos ending to a lovely cognizance.

Friday, February 20, 2009


You know when you're so excited about something that you get that glow just if you think about it? The one where your heart swells up and you can't seem to quite wipe the little smile off your face? That's how I felt all yesterday. I'm happy to report that you are all dreadfully wrong in your assumptions about what was making me feel that way.

No, it wasn't you.

No, it wasn't an International Man of Mystery.

No, it wasn't the room service, or my new stilettos, or my sassy bootay-teee.

It is simple: my cute babies were coming to stay the night with me. I haven't seen them for more than an hour since last Friday (the girls at least and probably Leo since I was pretty much comatose all Sunday and most of Monday). Play games, go swimming, watch Perry Mason, eat cookies. The first few minutes were bliss, and then it was clear: they would have to go. The air quality at the hotel was poor enough that my kids couldn't breathe after being in the room for about 2 seconds!!!

Dear stinking 4-star (although I don't really believe it) hotel: You are ghetto! From, TT

It was kind of nice to realize that I love those three little people to absolute, adorable pieces.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


I recommend never posting on your blog after midnight, or 1 am, but DEFINITELY not after 3am when you really should be in bed.

I recommend sleeping the night before you have a huge presentation in front of a couple hundred people, and who cares that the demo has not yet once seen a complete end-to-end playback except when you're in your office and no one is actually watching.

I recommend not staying in a hotel that has Internet issues because on the off chance that you can't sleep, you also can't get up to speed with your latest TV programs online either.

I recommend that if your cell phone dies while you're in a hotel that your backup cell phone has long distance calling so that you can call someone who MIGHT be awake when all others are not.

I recommend ordering room service even when you ultimately think that you're too stressed out to eat and decide against it because you never know when you're actually going to get the munchies.

I recommend remembering to bring water into your hotel room because without a mini-bar, the tap water is really rancid.

I recommend not catching up on email, posting on Facebook, or any other highly tempting time occupying *cough* wasting experiences.

I recommend sleeping pills during the week of stress.

I recommend not mixing up your daytime and your nighttime medicine the night before a large presentation.

I recommend trying to catch up on sleep when you have extreme illness.

I recommend always making at least one snow angel in the freshly fallen snow.

I recommend laughing at any chance you can get.

I recommend a good book.

I recommend looking both ways before crossing the street.

I recommend getting your groove on every once in awhile.

I recommend people keep their opinion of other people's lives to themselves at all time.

I recommend riding on the London Eye.

BUT most of all,

I recommend you just live your life to its fullest and be the happiest person you know how to be.

In the end, you'll get it right :)

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Sigh of Relief from the Masses

FYI: It was all talk (well, probably not really but it's complicated so it's sucky). So good thing MrIcan'tPlan asked me to do something Saturday afternoon so now I can do something other than hang out with the Brit. Most shocking moment, he even asked me Monday night.

And no I will not admit that I've just been crying my eyes out, which actually surprised me because I thought I had that all under control and had convinced myself that I didn't really have one ounce of feelings for the Brit.

Feel free to send flowers. I'm at the Little America until Friday! Flowers always cheer a girl up. And strawberries. And room service. I'm ordering room service now.

Monday, February 16, 2009

A Curse Upon This House

I have THE PLAGUE. Now, that might sound cool, but it's far from it. I speak like a frog, my body aches, and I want to lie in bed snuggled up wearing sweats and watching House re-runs all night. I seriously came thisclose to asking the Brit if he just wanted to stay in and order room service and watch crappy American TV.

I contracted the plague yesterday. I stayed in bed hyped up on Nyquil until this morning. I tried to pack for this insane work week. I hate all my clothes. Who packed these things? Better yet, who bought these things in the first place. I must go shopping now, and yet, I can't function to go shopping because I HAVE THE PLAGUE!!!

I was so bottomed out on Nyquil that my engaging personality and charisma were paralyzed. I actually wanted to be out with the Brit, and I wasn't nervous or awkward, but I was mute. (I know this part is highly amusing to many of you considering I am hardly a mute, but I stake my life on it.)

Oh, and who the HELL closed Ruth's!!! I just wanted comfort food since I had to be out and about, and Ruth's is torn to shreds. Completely. I almost cried because I had been dreaming about the pot roast ever since I forced my body to function this morning. It only obeyed because I promised her the pot roast!

Also, NOTE TO THE DAMN OLYMPIC PARK: When it's a freaking holiday, don't close all the rides!

In case you were wondering, it was a highly entertaining afternoon. Although there was this lovely little lunch at The Bistro 412 (which some of you know I adore and have visited there with me before). The snow fall was quite beautiful, and I would have been absolutely ok with sitting there all day doing nothing else.

I'm now locked in my hotel room trying to decide if I head over to the Gateway and get something decent to wear. I have to speak for 6 hours tomorrow, and I'm going to look the opposite of cute. I need cute in my life. Otherwise, I should just take a nap for the next hour and a half even though I'm afraid I won't wake up. Seriously, does anyone want to come snuggle with me even though I do have the plague?

Saturday, February 14, 2009

I Heart You.

I know you all think I'm whipped over the Brit. Let me clarify. I (L)ike the Brit. I really (L)ike the Brit a lot, but even in my insane crush state, I am not an idiot. I do not sit idly by until said Brit wants to incorporate me into his life. It's complicated what can I say??? My (L)ike instinct is to protect the heart so I have carefully boxed it up over the past few days. If it's supposed to happen then just like magic, the box will melt. If it's not, the I'm pre-packaged to not get hurt, although seriously, after what has already happened in my life, that hurt can't compare at this point in the relationship. (Azu -- do not leave me comments or emails about how I'm never going to find someone until I'm prepared to just let them see who I am without any boxes. It'll come, I promise.)

I am hoping that you all just wiped your brow in relief. I seriously do not really believe in Prince Charmants anymore. Sad, isn't it? The Brit does say all the right things, and about half of me wants to believe. Maybe it's true, but that's what the divining week ahead is all about. If it is, I will tell you all that MAYBE I believe in Prince Charming again. If not, I don't have to worry. You guys possess them all anyway!!! :)

So, I met another guy back at the end of December. He has asked me out every other week since then. This might sound like I'm trying to avoid him, but it's not really the case. The problem is that he asks me out on Thursday night around 10:30pm for THAT weekend. Hmm, I know single guys are completely self-absorbed, but what part of I HAVE 3 KIDS to coorindate doesn't seem to sink in?

My favorite was this past Thursday, as in 1.5 days ago. I received the requisite email:

Hey Twisted,

I've got some time this weekend. What do you feel like doing? Are you up for some Racquetball?

Excited to see you!
Mr. Ican'tplan.

Now, realizing Ican'tplan doesn't have children, I have sweetly explained to him that I do and it's kind of hard to find a babysitter last minute -- and do you make last minute plans with a girl you have never gone out with on freaking Valentine's weekend? Hmm, I think this is cynical me setting in because maybe I'm suppose to see the romance in all this. Is racquetball romantic? I think I missed that memo in Romance 101.

Anyway, we all know that I have pseudo-Heart date tonight. I.E. This simply means that I was asked out by a guy that I can't really date and so we're dragging along 2 other girls so it's platonic. PLEASE NOTE: platonic does not = gay.

I'm trying to take the Jimeister's advice, if they ask, just go. But really, how many times do I have to try and make plans with Mr. Ican'tplan before I call it 'a good try' and move on?

Also, I have possibly accepted a blind date, but I have no idea if I did or didn't because I don't answer my phone for numbers I don't recognize, and my voicemail box is full. I've been dreading listening to all the messages to clear it out (how can that possibly happen in 2 days!!!!)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

An Interesting Idea Came My Way the Other Day

I know amazing people. Honestly, I have met so many fantastic people in my life that I believe that just about everyone has some form of fabulous in them. This particular tribute is to a friend of mine named Alison, although she doesn't even know I have a blog, let alone will ever read this. Maybe I'll tell her on a day when she needs to hear it.

Yesterday, I shocked Alison by exposing my fraction-of-a-second low self-esteem. I know I have you all fooled into thinking that I'm absolutely wonderful myself, but inside I secretly just don't know. I think it's a side effect of the past two years and a few other episodes in my life, but there it is. It exists. I'm probably doomsday about myself sometimes, although to me everything else in this life is great.

I mentioned to Alison that I had all this "stuff" that I came with that would seem pretty scary to some people.

Alison says to me 'Hmm, I have actually never contemplated the fact that someone wouldn't love me because of anything since I'm really just that great. I think you're that fabulous too so if I were you, it wouldn't even be an idea in my head. You really are that great so just deal with it.'

I was floored.

She was so painstakingly honest about it that there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that she had never thought she wasn't good enough, smart enough, or beautiful enough for someone. The woman has more kahunas than any other person that I've known. And I LIKED it!!

I know amazing people, and I know they all have their little insecurities, and I apparently have mine. But this one simple statement really cleaned out a lot of my head. Seriously? I am freaking fabulous. I mean COME ON!! who wouldn't want this?

So, fabulous freaks -- I'm awesome, in case you were wondering. Why wouldn't anyone want me -- even with my 3 kids and my crazy demanding job and my nutty family -- who wouldn't care about any of that because I am amazing. Period.


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Music Makes the People Come Together

What do I do with all the CDs after I transfer them to my computer? Toss them, donate them, sell them?

As a side note to the music day, I thought you'd appreciate the following facts:

FACT #1: Madeline's favorite song is currently: Single Ladies, Beyonce.

FACT #2: She sings it all the time, including the grocery store where people walk by and give me strange looks.

FACT #3: Her favorite line from the song is: If you like it then you should of put a ring on it. -- of course it is.

FACT #4: Ava's favorite song is currently: American Boy, Estelle ft Kayne

FACT #5: She sings it all the time, including at school where her teacher reports this to me daily.

FACT #6: Her favorite line from the song is: Take me to New York I'd like to go someday. Would you be my American Boy? -- and yes, she did tell Madeline this morning that she was a Loser (capital L) because she didn't have a boyfriend. Good grief, I think that means I'm a Loser too.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

The Mind is its Own Place

Once when I was little, I was playing with my Strawberry Shortcake dolls in my room. Apparently, my mom was calling me in for dinner, but I didn't hear her. I was playing. She came in my room and called me in to dinner, but I didn't hear her. I was playing. She came over and touched my head, but I didn't feel it. I was playing.

In case you were wondering, I'm still a lot like that, but age has helped my mind to kick in after someone touches me. I can still tune out the world on occasion. I honestly just don't hear a thing when I'm absorbed. My mind just takes over and I'm off in my own world. I'm not meaning to be rude; it's not a personal thing. It just happens.

Last night, I was trying to get the kids ready for our bowling extravaganza, and I called Madeline to come get her hair done. She was just in the living room playing a game. After a few minutes, I went and looked. Yep, she was still there. 'Liney, come get your hair done.' She was still there, absorbed as ever. I walked over and touched her, and she didn't move. It didn't phase her. I closed the computer top, and she finally realized I was speaking.

I laughed.

It's a good thing that my mind can make heaven of hell. I'm hoping she inherited that part too.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

8 Days

Friday, February 6, 2009

Rant - A Small Side Note to the Day

After 5 customer escalation calls, 2 presentation followups, 3 feedback forums on my new product, 4 crappy customer emails telling me their demands, waiting for my MBO review to happen with the Boss, missing my kids, anticipation about a mtg with my CTO that was cancelled at the last second, and nice thoughts about my crush laying in bed next to his permanent one (which is NOT me - that's what i picture in my nice and cozy daydreams which are not happening right now), I am bent. I am bent out of sorts.

As a side note, I am mad that I haven't had a Coke this week, and I'm rebelling against my girly side - even as we speak - by walking down to the vending machine and getting one. FULL FAT COKE.

This is me in ubber whine mode. I am a whiner.

I'm going to go see 'He's Just Not That Into You' tonight and remember, oh yeah, you nerd! He really isn't that into you because why should he be??? I have 3 freaking kids and a super intensive job and a crazy family and a nutty ex-husband and no life, and he has a nice life without me. What is there to want there???

Ok, I'm done being a whiner now.

I have found my zen.

I am the definition of awesome.

I am at one with myself.

PS. I am still contemplating the Coke.
PPSS. I honestly feel bad for my Brit. He's in a tough spot so try not to be too harsh (at this point).

The Art of Being Girly, Part 37b

  1. It is Friday.
  2. I am wearing a dress, a bright red dress to celebrate National Women's Heart Disease Day or something like that someone told me about. PLEASE NOTE: I am wearing a dress on Friday.
  3. I shaved my legs this morning. PLEASE NOTE: in the winter time, when I have no significant other/partner/boyfriend/oranythingelse to actually make it matter whether or not I shaved my legs.
  4. I worked out 3 times this week. PLEASE NOTE: At 6:30am. my eyes don't typically open until at least 7:45am.
  5. I ate a grilled chicken wrap at McDonald's last night in lieu of the cheeseburger and fries that _might_ have somehow sounded good to me at that moment in time. PLEASE NOTE: Do not leave nasty comments about how sometimes I actually like the McDonald's Double Cheeseburger with no onions.
  6. I have had water all week. PLEASE NOTE: I have desperately wanted at least 7 Cokes this week, but have resisted completely.
TRANSLATION OF ALL THESE POINTS: I am slowly reaching diva status. If you aren't careful, I may just radiate utter girlishness by the end of the year.

But WAIT! Before you get all impressed, I'm faltering. You all know about the crazy, last-minute Brazilian that I thought would launch me into perfect G.L.A.M.O.R.OUS status. And yes, for about 3 weeks I was in complete zen with my girlness. I was the ultimate girl. I was sassy; I was confident; I got a crush (damn him -- crushes steal some of the ultimate girl away).

Now, it's time to reevaluate my ultimate girl status. I can continue with it and finally have a New Year's Resolution to be proud of OR (this part may sound nuts) I'm at the point where I have to decide to give it up. The decision factor lays solely in to Brazilian or to not Brazilian. Actually, to Brazilian or to get lasered might be a better approach. Ultimate girl status can only be achieved by this decision.

Maybe I should start looking at this as a new adventure in pain tolerance therapy. Maybe if I do this, I might actually be able to go through natural child labor?? Hmm, yeah no, I take that back.

Maybe I just need to start researching laser centers. I don't think I could handle Round 2.

Monday, February 2, 2009

In Other News

Ok. You all know I caved and joined an online dating site a few months back (and yes, I felt absolutely pathetic the whole time because I still don't believe that's how you meet people). So, today I got an email from some guy on there, and I literally logged in to this:

Now, I'm not trying to be mean, but is this a guy or a girl? (My next thought might be a little TMI for you all, but hey, it's me; I can't help the honesty sometimes) I'm all for a hot chick wanting to hook it with me, but 1) this person is not hot from either gender and 2) I'd prefer to have a stable relationship with a cute and amazing boy than just a hook up with a girl.

I wouldn't feel so pathetic except that the last few people who wanted to connect were these:

For those of you who think I'm lying, I will walk you through my account at any time. I don't necessarily think that the sun revolves around my beauty, but on a cuteness factor, I rate. Unfortunately, I haven't felt like it when these are what comes out of it. ACK!!
So seeing as my crush is so amazingly high on the cuteness scale, I'm still smitten. I didn't even feel like logging in to check it out, but everyone is going to kill me about it until you actually meet him. Then, you'll get off my back. I promise. He's cool. He might even be cool enough to merit the full Twisted heart, but we'll see. To end this post by eliminating all the searing pictures out of your head, I give you cuteness:

Good gene potential.

A little hip hop.
(and I secretly love that)

Q of the Day: how many ninjas you can take on at once?
Brit's Answer: What can I say - I'm a "Drunken Master" - as many as you can throw at me.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

A Roasting

BG has decided that she needs to meet the Brit. Point in fact, she has decided that I am not in charge of my own destiny (cuz I kinda failed that one the first time around) so destiny will not be permitted until she has stamped her approval on it. This is so pressing to her that she's even thinking of flying in from Jersey. OooOO, this sounds deliciously Sopranos. I wonder who gets killed if it fails the test.

So to honor a British tradition of Sunday Roast (sorry to the vegos out there), we're going to open up our lovely Sunday afternoon blog forum to whoever wants to comment. What do YOU want to know from the Brit or about the Brit? What is the one question that I absolutely have to ask no matter how scary or difficult it might be since I kind of adore him?

Or even better yet, maybe I'll set up a roasting luncheon and you can all come and take your turns with him ;) Hmm .. that might be a little much for him. You all are such lovely and personable ladies that you might try to win his heart (and iieee would do a great job at it cuz she's breathtakingly charming ;))

Anyway, ask away (LY - I can feel your sensible questions burning before I even post this), and I promise to deliver all the questions and keep myself out of harm's way, which is the whole reason why you want to know. Please restrict your questions to be those that actually are answerable, and not 'do rubber bearded chickens really crow at noon on Wednesdays'. Men don't seem to understand how to interact with that type of rhetorical questions, and we wouldn't want him absolutely failing just because he didn't know to say 'Yes.'

Love to my masses.