For Dalene: A Quickie

For those of you that don't get the low-down on a regular basis (and the backlog is a little out of control), here is a recap of my past 6 weeks and the major players:

Players
Brit #1 = Leo's Dad
Brit #2 = Co-worker that I've known for the past 2.5 years
Brit #3 = Co-worker that I've known for the past 2 months
ICan'tPlan = dude from online dating site
GirlyMan = dude that works with Azu
TheNasties = all other dudes from online dating sites
TT = Tiffany Twisted (oh wait! that's me.)

Synopsis
Brit #1 said he was coming in February. Let's be honest, we all know this is a farce, but I do find it interesting that I told him not to bulls**t me and tell me he's coming when he's not, and yet he does it anyway. I think this is a British compulsion. No worries about TT though. She is not effected here any longer. Although I have no idea what to ever tell Leo and I feel like a complete failure on that Mom-front when it comes to his dad. This is why Leo needs a new dad, an awesome dad, some guy who's going to really teach him how to be a great guy. I can only teach him how to be great to women and to always love his mom even when she's a nut.

Brit #2 invited me to Vegas. This was interesting because we've had a thing for a couple of years now, and at 3am the week before, I just decided to come. I, who have not been spontaneous for at least 6 years, decided to just go and hang out in Vegas. I decided to be smart and drag Susie along to maintain some sanity during the weekend. I was a lune anyway, but this turned out to be not a worry because of 3 things:

1) Brit #2, sweet as he is, had the worst jet lag known to man and I only saw him for about 2 hours on the first night and about 2 hours while he slept next to me through the performance of O - and was completely paranoid that anyone at work would discuss the fact that he even knew me. Silly man. I don't gossip about my life, oh, and I remember to flirt with everyone so no one can accuse me of anything.

2) Brit #2 had secret co-crush on Susie. This pretty much killed any affection that I may have thought I would have for him because of previous problems with ex-husband that aren't appropriate to get into in a public forum. Oh my goodness, did I actually just restrain myself? Sue, I love your guts.

3) Brit #3 happened. No matter how I tried to maintain normal relations with Brit #2, it's just not there any longer. Even my flirting has been totally maimed. Hate it. I liked flirting with Brit #2. Everyone needs a stand-by flirt.

Brit #3 met me in Vegas. For me, there have been exactly 2 people in my entire life that I have met and had an undeniable connection with that was so unbelievably strong that despite all common sense, I just can't help it. Brit #3 and MrAtlanta (who I was with for 3 years and off/on for another 3 years and would still be with, but I was young and dumb and now it's impossible and that's that). Sad as this seems, even the X wasn't this connected. And it's not about sex. I can do sexual tension and walk away unscathed. I don't do mental/emotional connection and walk away unscathed very well. One slight complication: his fiance. I probably would have felt horrible about the fiance thing except that I actually had one of the most genuine and amazing men (who is also a bishop although this doesn't really mean much sometimes) tell me that until it hits the point of marriage, people should never feel constrained if they find the right thing somewhere else. Brit #3 was a pretty smooth talker too, although I know that I deserve to have a man really and honestly want me like that, I just don't believe that a man would actually ever love me like that. I can't imagine a man would actually make a sacrifice in his life for me; change things, want to just do it and make it happen. It is what it is, but he's happier in his current life, which isn't a fault as I'm sure it's a great life. I just wish he would have wanted to close his eyes and take the leap with me. THAT would have been amazing.

MrICan'tPlan has asked me out every weekend for the past 2 months, and I finally sent him a text last night saying I could do this Saturday. Mostly, to take my mind off Brit #3, and take Jim's advice to just say yes and think of it as practice even if it doesn't go anywhere.

GirlyMan flirted with me toward the end of really sad last week when I figured out that Brit #3 wasn't going to change his life for me. GirlyMan is a baby though so I doubt it would ever work, but I have people telling me that I need an older man and people telling me that I need a younger man. He is a tad on the young side (I'm being generously nice here as he was born in a completely different decade than I was), but hey! If he's cool with it, I'll take a chance. Mostly, because he's just the "fun" side of life and I don't have to think about anything serious with him. Who knows, maybe he thinks I'm a total old maid now that we've finally met.

TheNasties continue to ask me out and completely dim my hope that TT really ever will find anyone worth it.

So, generally been kind of painful experience, but I wouldn't trade it in as I absolutely adored someone for a few moments in my life. That is a great thing to have had. I would trade in the outcome because I have little glimmers of what it would be like, and it would be so happy. I love having a happy life. I have one, and I'd trade in anything for more happiness in my life. Although I just can't succumb to dating TheNasties to find more happiness. I do have SOME limits.