Friday, March 6, 2009

A Laundry List

Dear Target,

It's spring. Please update your color palatte accordingly. I don't want to be somber and depressing ALL year round.

Your favorite shopper.

Dear Discrete Affairs,

No, I am not married and lonely, but even if I were, your email and your Web site are embarrassing and appalling. Please help society invest in some freaking morals and stop making it a horrible place for me to raise amazing kids.

Absolutely displeased,

Dear Pinkie,

Could you have waited one day to give birth to your kittens?? I was trying to get the house in order for Leo's birthday, finish getting out the door for work, putting away all the laundry, and sending the kids to school on time for once, and I didn't really need 4 kittens to rescue at the same time. I hope you appreciate the fact that I have already scheduled you a "fix" appointment at the vet.

Your homo sapien adoptive mamma,

Dear Mother Earth,

I'd really appreciate a weather decision here. Decide: Winter or Spring. I need to coordinate my shoes accordingly.

Rocking your world (and not in the sexual sense although one can always hope),

Dear MrICan'tPlanTurnedIntoIDon'tGetTheMessage,

When a girl says she's just not that into you, she probably means it. Please don't text message me and expect an answer.

Wondering why I ever give my phone number out,

Dear Lucky,

Can't wait to see you tomorrow!!

Heart You,

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