UnTwisted Tiffany

It's Oh So Quiet....

2010-07-01T08:37:00.000-07:00

Shhh ... Shhh ...

I've been really quiet the last six months. It's now for a summer party on my pages. You know the kind: lots of fun friends, jokes, bbq, patio furniture. Today's topic of summer fun is all the music that reminds you of pure summertime. Let's kick off this summer list with a few of my favorites:

1. All Summer Long, Kid Rock ... cuz everyone has a little WT in their grass roots
2. Summer of 69, Brian Adams ... yessiree!
3. Margaritaville, Jimmy Buffet ... even for the non-drinkers
4. Two Pina Coladas, Garth Brooks ... for the drinkers
5. Say Hey, Michael Franti & Spearhead ... gotta have some dancehall
6. Soul Sister, Train ... ooo, fun stuff
7. I Want You to Want Me, Cheap Trick ... reaching back
8. Three Little Birds, Bob Marley ... well, any Bob really but I have 3 little birds ;)
9. Upside Down, Jack Johnson ... curious george in a music video makes me smile
10. Banana Split, Louis Prima ... all-time favorite swing song
11. Come By Me, Harry Connick Jr. ... unless you count the awesomeness that is Harry
12. Country Road, John Denver ... it's john!
13. Walking Man, James Taylor ... come on, sunshine and a guitar. if you're not hearing it, get your ears checked
14. Shame on You, Indigo Girls ... very summery feeling if you've ever lived in the south
15. Beautiful Girls, Sean Kingston ... ok who can resist more fun rhythms?
16. Footloose, Kenny Loggins ... cuz I heard this last night, rocked out, and it's summer
17. I Just Haven't Met You Yet, Michael Buble ... a REAL Michael Bubbly song (haters can stand to the right, lovers can stand to the left, I will just dodge bullets)
18. Beautiful, Snoop ... need I say more
19. The Way You Make Me Feel, MJ ... mmmmmmmmm
20. Rock Star, N.E.R.D. ... who doesn't love a little N.E.R.D. - for reals??

Please Note: This list contains laid back, relaxing car songs.
Also Please Note: Stay tuned for the Dance Version of Summer Songs. It will include amazing pieces like One by Swedish House Mafia.
Also Also Please Note: This song list is my sacred cow; your opinions mean nothing to me!
Also Also Also Please Note: I just realized I missed Fishing in the Dark by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band.

Peace Out.

And Then, It Happened.

2010-02-10T01:50:00.000-08:00

One day, my dad died. Yep, just got right up and out of here.

One day, my husband left. Might have been easier dealing with death.

One day, I quit my cushy job. Still hoping that was the right choice.

One day, I dated the wrong person (ok maybe on multiple occasions).

One day (and for-unbearably-ever actually), my mom lived with me. To be brief, ugh.

One day, everything felt like it was crashing. Then, my inspiration hit:

Can't wait to rock on in Vegas, Ladies!

Wa-hat Chew Say?

2010-02-03T23:12:00.000-08:00

Oh hell. Sometimes stupid just seems to radiate out of people. I mean it's so strong that you just want to say, "Pull back on the Stupid lever"!!! And when I say people today, I mean men specifically. Now, don't get me wrong. I love men. I am not a man-hater, but this week has pushed my buttons. Let's take the cases individually so y'all can better grasp what I'm dealing with here:

A) Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday: Well, we don't need to rehash the Jas situation ... it's over and speaks for itself, but basically sucks.

B) Monday: Dated a guy about three years ago for approximately 3 weeks (right after the big "D" so I was going through a moment of stupid myself). Decided this was not going to work out for me and stopped seeing him. He is now married with a kid. IM'd me this WTF conversation:

HIM: you know something ... i miss being with you, lol.
ME: umm, we weren't really together
HIM: i know but i think about us
ME: no, what you think about is being able to go on dates, so get out of the house and take your wife on a date
HIM: i want you again
HIM: can i see you?
ME: are you asking me to help you cheat on your wife?
HIM: no, i could never cheat on her
ME: good, i don't do cheating. so go out with her and leave me out of it.
HIM: you should have married me
ME: um, we didn't really date that long
HIM: would you have married me?
ME: no, you wouldn't have wanted me, and you don't now ... go hang out with your wife

C) Wednesday: Guy at customer conference my company is putting on blatantly hit on me in front of coworkers. Does the embarrassment of this NOT register on anyone's radar? It's completely unprofessional.

How much more stupid am I going to have to deal with this week? I'm thisclose to swearing off speaking to men for awhile.

Yes, you.

2010-01-21T14:34:00.000-08:00

(WARNING: Controversy to follow...)

Dear Jason,

Hi. Look, hardest thing in my life, but I can't see you anymore. I kind of adore you, which is in complete violation of our treaty. You're smart, funny, and just overall likable. I know, I said I was in no way, shape, or form going to fall for you. It was an impossibility. I was better than that. I didn't need you; I could get something better (which I really can but we'll discuss that at another time possibly). Well, it happened. How? I have NO idea!! You just kind of sneaked in there and put the squeeze on me. Dangit!

I like how carefree I am with you. I like how I don't care so much about hiding who I am. I like how confident and happy I am with you. I love laughing with you.

I can't laugh any more. I can't pretend things aren't what they are anymore. I wish they weren't like this, but they are so like I told you the first day we met: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!! and then we can talk, but I can't do this anymore.

I can go on and on and list your strengths and weaknesses - do a full SWOT analysis on where this will get me, but I already know: no where right now. It's cool. I can go live my life. I've learned a lot, and I thank you for forever for giving me back my strength and happiness. You were great when I needed it. No one has ever treated me as well as you have (um, that's because I'm overlooking the two times you stood me up, which was fairly jerky of you. I forgive for the first one.) And yes, I say all this knowing where you are not so perfect, and I'm ok with those things.

I wish you the best. I hope you make the best choice for you and yours. If you stay, be strong because it'll be awesome and worth it. If you leave, go heal your heart and then come find me in a couple of years because I'm awesome ;) You are a good man and a great friend.

Xxx,
TT

Prop 8 ... Just thinking out loud here ...

2010-01-13T11:33:00.000-08:00

I am trying to understand the whole fight behind Prop 8. I am Switzerland when it comes to this (at least right now) so my questions posed aren't saying I'm for or against or that I'm gay-friendly or not. I love all sorts of people regardless of race, religion, sexual preference, etc. I just want to try and figure this one out.

I guess my questions mostly revolve around the term "marriage".

I know when I think of marriage, I think of being in a church and seeing two people "married". I'm pretty sure that the issues of "marriage" here is more of the legal definition and benefits. Why are marriages handled differently from civil unions or partnerships? In my eyes, I don't see why they aren't the same thing (for same-sex or m/f). I guess I really need someone (with biased one way or the other because I can make up my own mind) to give me the facts. No marketing spiel. You aren't trying to sway me one way or the other. I want to know so I can effectively decide for myself.

If you have thoughts, please share.

Cheers!
TT

Literature in the 2000s

2009-12-14T12:43:00.000-08:00

I had this prof at the university. I did not really like her; our personalities just weren't in sync. She was an amazing poet. I am grown up enough to recognize that she deserved the accolades and esteem that she brought to the table, and I even scored a B+ in her class ::with the personality disorders:: so she must have been a grown up too.

I was haphazardly reading a Humanities publication yesterday when I came across an article she'd written. She told two completely different tales and tried to tie them back together (which I didn't think worked very well), but her point was one that I feel most poignantly these days. What kind of literature are we leaving behind for future generations that mark us? Her answer and mine is a repartee of short, at times witty tidbits, yet we have failed miserably at capturing what things mean to us. The glorious masterpieces have fallen by the wayside in our time. We're so obsessed with the right now that we aren't even defining stories to last the ages. Our idea of literature is how I have also started to feel about a lot of our art work. There's the picture - painted or written beautifully - and unfortunately lacking in emotional ties or feelings. Tell us how that makes you feel. It's like we're a generation that isn't allowed to have feelings or emotions. We aren't allowed to disagree or stand up for what we believe in because society is still telling us that everyone should get along and come up with a group consensus on everything. Our poets are giving us words that describe society but they don't tell us what that society means to them. Yes, it's overwhelming. Yes, it's confusing. Where is the touching sentiment that makes us nod our heads and remember what our time was actually like?

Being an English major myself, I have done little to contribute to that great gaping black void as I have felt like a directionless soul the past 5 years. Another piercing reflection of our generation. Recently, I have discovered that I do have things to say that are meaningful and striking. Things that reflect what we as a people are going through or what we are watching happen to us all around. As I sit here, I realize that I've started to fail by keeping some of my gifts hidden away for fear of how they might be used against me or in some case for hitting a moment of sheer boredom thinking that they just might not be that relevant so why bother.

Well, I'll start bothering. I'll start being involved in my own generation, in my own time, and stop solely focusing on helping to shape and create future generations. The only way I can do that is to focus on what I can contribute now. I may not be the one to leave the masterpiece, but I can certainly leave behind a trail of meaningful works that be a small token of what we were.

Rockkkin' It Twisted Style

2009-10-07T23:34:00.000-07:00

My life abounds with cuteness. I mean how could a person resist this:

Then there's this:

And you know I can't leave off this:

Fall at our house is quite charmante so far ...

True Colors

2009-09-15T17:32:00.001-07:00

Are you blue or red? I guess that's a deciding thing today - although I'm neither. I think I'm striped. Striped is nice; quite nice. Interesting thought though is that as I read back over blue and red (and I was originally thinking about the polls in Provo of which I am not a citizen), my mind has now turned to football season - WHAT?!?!! NOTE to readers everywhere: don't fret, this is merely a setback due to Leo's hyper-male alpha sports thing. We'll get over it and I'll go back to day dreaming about shoes.

I mentioned to my mother that I had very political friends, which is quite unusual as I didn't grow up that way. Well, I grew up with Republican is the only way so I hardly mention to my family that I'm an Independent. Politics in the South can be life-threatening. I've started investigating the political process. I will shock you all by saying that I have never voted. I've honestly never thought my vote would count. Growing up in a highly flammable RED state meant that for major elections, republicans were always elected. Now, I live once again in a RED state. We're marked red on political territorial maps. I hate that - it makes me feel branded where I'd much rather just have a list of candidates stand up and tell me what they think and how they feel about issues. Then, I can decide. It seems like politics wouldn't feel so far from reality if this could happen. A little town hall that gets people going.

Maybe if I lived long ago, I'd be much more invested. The scary part is that these people are making decisions about my life, and I probably don't even know how many times it's been changed over the past 10 years. It's time I get with the program. I will be voting in November - not that I know who's running except that nice young gentleman who came by personally with his flyer for Mayor of Orem (which he told me was effectively a part-time job but which he would invest his time fully).

I want my freakin' sticker!

Boys will be Boys

2009-09-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

Once, I stole a necklace from a 5&10 store, way back when they actually had these places. I wanted it so badly that I couldn't help it. It was this beautiful little dancer on a silver chain. It was meant for me, I knew it.

After I got home, I left it in my pocket and thought I would produce it in a day or two and just say it was mine. No one would be the wiser. I left it in my pocket through the laundry, and my mom found it as she was prepping.

I wish I could say that it was the large lecture my parents gave me or the grounding that ensued that brought me out of my thieving ways, but it really boils down to the fact that I couldn't look at the necklace without remembering how I got it, which would never sit well with me. Since then, I really can't abide permanent things that come about from poor decisions. And so I've never stolen anything since then or even been tempted.

The other day, Leo decided to talk to Matt when he picked up the girls. "Hi, Dad" he said. I honestly thought I would throw up. Matt, who had no idea how to handle this, stared at him. I had to explain that Leo thinks that's his name since that's what the girls call him. Then, I began noticing that he calls all adult men "Dad" since this is what he usually hears other people calling adult men. My brother's kids call him "Dad"; my friends' kids call my friends' husbands "Dad". He thinks that's what men are called. I know he has no idea, but each time I hear this, it's really painful. It hurts. It's that permanent hurt that doesn't go away. I can't give him that, even though I thought I would be able to at some point.

I'm starting to realize that the difficulty level of that feat is astronomical. Sometimes I think I made the wrong decision, but I was so sure. I haven't been that sure since - about anything except going jobless. Now, I'm unemployed and have no idea how to find out what I'm supposed to do next.

I now have to figure out how to deal with something permanent and knowing that it will come out right. The necklace can't be returned this time, but I don't want it to be either. It's an interesting dilemma.

The King of England

2009-09-08T20:45:00.000-07:00

I'm having a problem ... what's your opinion ... once a cheater, always a cheater? or is this limited to the person originally cheated on? is the next just as easily victimized in this way?? i have Robin Hood stuck in my head:

He sits alone on a giant throne
Pretendin' he's the king
A little tyke who's rather like
A puppet on a string
And he throws an angry tantrum
if he cannot have his way
And then he calls for Mum while he's suckin' his thumb
You see, he doesn't want to play

So ....

Waspy Things

2009-08-06T08:02:00.001-07:00

I have a wasp nest. It has grown and grown and grown, and now, I am absolutely amazed at its stature. I just stare at it. Yes, I have purchased wasp remover and eliminator, but instead of getting rid of it, I freeze up. This wasp nest MUST go. It's a must. There must be 16 wasps in it now. It feels like it takes up half the side of my house. It's scary; it's intimidating. It's ... HUGE.

It's kind of how I felt about my life before I quit my job. Every task just seemed so daunting. I couldn't seem to make it all work; there was just too much. It was too HUGE.

Sometimes it still feels this way. I get the scared feeling that starts creeping up, but instead of knocking down the whole wasp nest, I'm just tackling little pieces at a time. Honestly though, there just seem to be more popping up every time I turn around. I know I was supposed to take some time to get my life in order. The more order I try to restore, the more things seem to spiral out of control. Some days I wonder if it will ever stop. Not life, but the spiraling. It's getting a little dizzy.

I can't let the wasp nest go on, but I can't seem to repair everything. I thought I was down to a list of three when two more large looming items popped up. I woke up this morning and realized, it's another morning where I want to will myself to take care of things, but I just can't seem to make it happen. Paralization is horrifying. I have turned into a person I'm afraid of and I have to tackle that as well.

Today's List:
1. hang the shelves in the kitchen
2. finish the touch ups in the bathroom
3. fold the laundry
4. straighten the basement
5. mop

Pretty simple, but see how my list of three has grown to five!!! Holy Smokes, Batman! I wanted the laundry finished yesterday.

** Notice the wasp nest still hasn't made the list.

The B in Me (and no, this isn't the b. in me but the "B" in me post)

2009-07-17T02:47:00.000-07:00

I am a bitch. (Sorry for those of you offended by this here line - I'll refrain from further curses upon the world.) I am a B**************** (might be a little overboard on the asterisks, but I also didn't want to lead you into thinking the bad word either. I just realized it. I am a total rude and mean person, and it's not just snarky anymore. It's rude and mean. For the past month, I've tried to work on the nice side of me, and I wonder if it's dead. It's been dead for so long.

I have lots of questions. I would love answers, but maybe I don't have answers and you don't have answers -- and HEY!! It's freaking 4am and I shouldn't be posting at this time of night anyway!!!

Question #1: When do you start to feel nice again? After you've been through lots of pain and you become this complete opposite person than who you were your entire life, when does your old awesome self reappear?

Question #2: How do you make yourself become the person that you want to be when you tell yourself each morning that you are going to be awesome again, and then you end each day with being just as crappy as you were the day before?

Question #3: When do you look at the people that you love and that you know you love and really feel that love again? Does it ever come back?

No, I'm not posting this for lots of sympathy comments -- I don't need that. I think I need an intervention in my life. An emotional intervention. I really want to feel again, but I just don't. I spent 25 years feeling passionate and genuinely happy and like I could take on the world. Now, I hardly feel like anything I do is successful and I'm just going through a day trying to not be mad for 24 hours.

Good grief. Even looking at this post, I feel alien. Who is this person inhabiting my body and when will they go away and become the great person that used to be there?

Hang in there people. It might be a hard next few weeks, but I'm determined to get it back.

In the meantime, you can post comments about what I can do for you (and I'm serious about this) because that's the kind of person I used to be all on my own, but just for the next little while, I need some guidance until I remember how to be that again :)

I know you're all good for something because we all have that one little thing. If all else, please tell me you need 12 cupcakes because in the past month, I have perfected decorating freaking cupcakes for all sorts of themes. I have also perfected eating the cupcakes and thus need a run on cupcakes to get rid of my food storage supply of cake mixes that have not allowed me to lose a single pound after all my slaving in the yard!! What is with that?? Hmm, maybe the yard has saved me from putting on all those pounds from all the cupcakes. OK, yard is forgiven and maybe I will be too.

Don't forget to tell me what you need.

States I Have Been To ...

2009-07-13T08:56:00.001-07:00

This is a Facebook thing.

I think I'm tired of Facebook. I've decided I like my blog better. 34 States, not bad. I'm adding Hawaii and Montana to my list this year, and possibly Massachusetts.

1) Alabama - X
2) Alaska -
3) Arizona - X
4) Arkansas - X
5) California - X
6) Colorado - X
7) Connecticut -
8) Delaware -
9) Florida - X
10) Georgia - X
11) Hawaii -
12) Idaho - X
13) Illinois - X
14) Indiana - X
15) Iowa - X
16) Kansas - X
17) Kentucky - X
18) Louisiana - X
19) Maine -
20) Maryland - X
21) Massachusetts -
22) Michigan -
23) Minnesota -
24) Mississippi - X
25) Missouri - X
26) Montana -
27) Nebraska - X
28) Nevada - X
29) New Hampshire -
30) New Jersey - X
31) New Mexico - X
32) New York - X
33) North Carolina - X
34) North Dakota
35) Ohio - X
36) Oklahoma -
37) Oregon - X
38) Pennsylvania - X
39) Rhode Island -
40) South Carolina - X
41) South Dakota
42) Tennessee - X
43) Texas - X
44) Utah - X
45) Vermont -
46) Virginia - X
47) Washington - X
48) West Virginia -
49) Wisconsin -
50) Wyoming- X

A New Day, A New Life

2009-06-23T00:15:00.000-07:00

I think I'm finally starting to settle into my new life. Gone are the days I worry about checking me email -- in fact, I think I only check my personal email twice a week. Instead, I'm planting fruit trees, remodeling the inside of my house, taking my kids to the movies, and starting afresh. Next week, the craziness ensues with tennis lessons, swimming lessons, and (what my girls are most looking forward to - props b.!!!!!!!) horseback riding lessons.

We have survived beach camping, long days at the park, neighborhood treasure hunts, and tea parties. I am awakening. I feel it. My hardness is shedding, and I'm starting to see joy again.

We work in the yard digging trees, creating new flower beds, planting shrubs. I feel less stressed. I feel more energetic. My happiness is coming back.

We play games. We go to the library, and I read books. I love the library. I'd forgotten. I'm looking for passion in life, and I'm starting to find it.

Everyone keeps asking me how I'm liking being a stay-at-home mom, and the truth is that I don't think it's quite settled in yet. I'm still waiting for the person to pop out of the corner and yell "Just kidding, get back to work" (which will happen in 5-6 months or maybe a year if I can stretch it that long), but for now it's amazing. You can't do everything that you want to do because there still aren't the hours in the day, but I'm getting there. Some things are finally starting to come together, and with it is a peace. I like that peace. It's nice.

All Things the Way of the World

2009-06-06T18:48:00.000-07:00

I've done the requisite checklist this week:

1. took kids to a movie
2. visited Target 3 times and spent less than $100 altogether
3. painted the living room, kitchen, bathroom
4. hauled furniture from storage to living room (i now have an actual living room!!!)
5. made breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a week straight
6. went to a kiddie birthday party
7. hung out at the library and actually even checked a book out for myself (registered the little ones for the reading program)
8. cleaned and organized 3 different rooms
9. gut check for sanity of leaving job -- still feeling good
10. started to focus on my business (only have 3 months to make something start to happen before i have another 3 months to find a new job or maybe 6 more months before i find a new job)

cross your fingers for the ride everyone! i'm stoked.

The Final Countdown .. is here!!!

2009-05-24T01:59:00.000-07:00

I spent all last night planning roadtrips for me and the kids. We're going to visit as many surrounding states as possible this summer (let's face it: the maximum amount of time we'll be allowed in a car for one day with 3 small children is 4 hours so I had to stay close to home).

Trip 1: Moab -> Lake Powell (Page, AZ) -> Grand Canyon -> Lake Powell -> Orem
Total Travel Time: 4 days

Trip 2: Manti -> Grand Junction, CO -> Orem
Total Travel Time: 2 days

Trip 3: Shoshone Falls, ID -> Lava Hot Springs, ID -> Minnetonka Cave -> Orem
Total Travel Time: 2 days

The great part about kids is that they are no nonsense. You don't have to spend too much time at the place to soak it all in, and yet you can spend enough time to actually see something, which is the entire point of the trip, right?

Lake Powell checks off the beach box. The Grand Canyon checks off the major wonders of the world box. Shoshone Falls & Lava complete the "water experiences". Minnetonka Cave gives us a sideshow, and Manti brings a live production (yes, we're going for the pageant). Grand Junction allows me to claim Colorado and small town life.

So trading up 8 days of our summer time fun for these quick excursions is the highlight of my new life of mom.

It's going to be a wonderful life, I tell you!

Bubble Blowing Skirt and Top GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-05-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

Bubble Blowing Skirt and Top GIVEAWAY!!!!

I wish I was as talented as this chick. Seriously.

Hot and Cold

2009-05-13T22:03:00.000-07:00

It's easy to understand why blessings sometimes get overlooked. Every day I feel more and more free. Every day I feel the clouds lifting, and every day I wonder what in the world am I doing. Although, I still feel confident in it. People from work now know that I'm leaving. It's been an interesting response. Most people come in my office, close the door, and whisper 'I'm so jealous.' It's quite a strange situation really.

I was called two extremes today.

1) The X called me and chewed me out for not treating him like a person, and then told me that I needed to step up and start acting like a decent human being to him. I am still flabbergasted by what he thinks I did "wrong" but we don't really need to go there. Apparently, I am a self-centered [person] (I'll replace what he actually said since this is my blog and I can edit at will). Also in case any of you were wondering, I have always been this horrible person and he can't believe he gave up his life for a couple of years for me. Hmm. Interesting. We don't need to rehash that little hiccup in my otherwise amazing life, but all we need to do is breathe in and out and say 'Interesting'.

I'm also not going to lie to you, my faithful few - it hurt my feelings badly. I have never been called some of these things, and I always want to change myself for the better. Listening to this man is actually fairly detrimental to my emotional state though, and he knows it. He is a little manipulative of situations so looking back I wonder if he was taking his anger out on me for other reasons. I was fairly upset, called Azu (ps did you like the Halo remix I posted for you :)), and cried for a few minutes. Divorce is fairly awful - even a "pleasant" divorce such as mine. It's like this constant reminder of a really bad decision. It's a constant reminder of why I don't really believe anyone can commit [to me] 100%.

Today was also a huge reminder of why the Brit hurt my feelings so much. Not because he didn't really want me, but because he reconfirmed what X said today ... I'm easy to fall in love with and really easy to fall out of love with so what's that saying about me. Poor Brit wasn't in a place to be liking anyone, but sometimes that stuff is hard to help.

In a nutshell, this was sad, sad, sad and made me mad, mad, mad.

2) Toward the end of the day, after pretending for about 3 hours that I was perfectly fine and not about to burst into tears, one of the guys on my team popped his head into my office to tell me what he thought. His label surprised me entirely. Apparently, I am a ... wait for it ... wait for it ... a hippie!! Really?? Who would have thought. I'm not a hippie from my clothing (breathe a sigh of relief), but in my attitude about life. He said that he has never met someone that embraces life as fully as I do and just lives the way I want to live it. I am a very inspiring person.

I have never thought about myself this way - I just live life. If I feel like I need to move on, I just do it. I wear my heart on my sleeve and make no apologies about it. I have been mad the last month for falling so hard for the Brit when why should I apologize about it!! I'm a real person; I just am. It's exciting and fun and heart-warming and heart-breaking and it's life. Life full of vigor and full of love. That's what life is, and if you don't love hard enough, then what kind of miserable existence is it. I'm not apologizing for being emotional any more. I'm just going to be it - all the way.

Guess what - my X was mean to me. Big freaking deal. I can be mad about it and cry about it and then 5 minutes later feel fabulous again. I can be angry at the Brit and then 5 minutes later write him off. I can be ecstatic about quitting my job and 5 minutes later worry about what I want to do to support my family. I can be absolutely happy with myself and 5 minutes later think about 101 things I would change to make myself better. As long as I'm having a great time along the way and doing meaningful things with my life, I am living the best me. I don't have to cling to bad experiences in order to grow from them. So, it's ok that I made a bad choice and married X, and it's ok that I made a bad choice and had feelings for some guy that didn't return them, and it's ok that I quit my job, and it's ok that I going to spend the entire summer with my kids, and it's ok for me to just be me - flaws and all.

So in the words of a woman who sang a really awful song (which is not this one) live on American Idol tonight: you're hot and you're cold, you're yes and you're no, you're in and you're out, you're up and you're down...

Dear Friend

2009-05-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

This is for you. You know how I like remixes.

Hope this makes your day. I heart you!
TT

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

2009-04-28T11:28:00.000-07:00

I DID IT. I woke up last Sunday in London and decided to quit my job. Yes, that is an insane idea since I have supposedly amazing job in said economy. I know it doesn't seem right, but I will tell you a secret: it's perfectly right for me. Honestly, I knew over the Christmas Break I needed to quit, but it's scary. Just doing it is scary - I won't lie to you. But it's the right thing for me.

I woke up and realized - this is not me.

I am not motivated by money, and yet I was spending long hours in an office and long hours on the road working for it. Do you know how burnt out you get by coming home at 8pm every night and barely having time to tuck your kids in bed for the past 3 years?
I am not motivated by power, and yet I was spending a lot of time navigating waters that were (in my esteem) ridiculous based on other people's lust pursuits. Do you know how belittling that can be?
I am not motivated by fear, and yet I was spending insane amounts of time trying to align with my boss to make sure all the political schemers stayed away. Do you know how many times over the past 2 months someone who was supposed to be part of my team has been in my boss' office trying to take my job?

I am motivated by inspiring people. People that I like and I want to help be successful. This has not been the case.
I am motivated by exciting ideas and execution. While the exciting ideas may have been there; it was full of such disappointment in terms of execution.
I am motivated by flexibility in my workplace. I have limited flexibility. If my office light isn't on at 9am, I get phone calls about it. Seriously? You have time to waste being a hall monitor?
I am motivated by happy workplaces. The people around me are not happy. They are cancerous and have driven my positive, happy spirit into the gutter.

That's pretty much the extent of my motivation I guess. Sure, I want to make a decent living, and I don't mind working my tail off if I'm passionate about it. But my passion died long ago.

I knew I was supposed to do this over Christmas Break, but stupidly, I was too scared. Well that led me down a path I wish I had never gone. If I would have just done it, I could have saved myself from unnecessary hurt by Brit. Although to be fair, he is probably the prime reason I finally realized my work world was so broken. It's all about people using people to get their own agenda met. Prime example.

Why can't work be about a collective group trying to do the right thing? Why can't anything in this life be about a collective group (whether that group is two people or a work force) getting together to do the right thing? Why is it so hard to say that your motivating factor is helping make other people's lives better while you're building something great?

So now I am jobless and I don't care. I have annual passes to the zoo, this is the place park, scera movies and outdoor musicals, and the planetarium. I am going to spend the entire summer with my kids and building back up my happy, positive attitude that I know is hidden in some deep, dark place. I can build up myself and my love of life again. Then, maybe the broken me will be able to piece herself back together enough to grow a heart and find something that I love again - I have lots of ideas brewing.

Wish me luck!!

Friday Mid-Day Musings

2009-04-24T07:17:00.000-07:00

I am one week past old. I am sitting in the office staring out the window knowing that I'm going to walk over to the park here in about 15 minutes, and I wish you could come walk in the park with me. The park is beautiful. Regent's Park is breathtaking. I would love to walk through this park every day and chase my beautiful children. As I wander, I'll try to post some pics of it on my facebook so you can pretend like you took the journey with me. I know you secretly want to. It'll be lovely.

We'll pretend together that we're chit-chatting like the proper British people do, and we'll talk about a wide array of subjects. I will only sound slightly nerdy in my references to the Sci-Fi world or long dead authors, and you will sound brilliant with your lyrical quotes and discussions on artificial intelligence. We'll discuss Parliament and Congress, and hypothesize on how much better we could run the world. We'll dawdle a little, and hope the other person will give us the smile that shares a million secrets. We'll have a lemonade from the little stand.

We'll talk about family and how you helped your mom the other day and how I need to help mine more. We'll talk about islands and which ones we want to visit. We'll love the sunshine that plays across our faces, and then we'll turn and say good-bye.

I'll walk off my way, and you'll walk of your way. A little piece of both our souls will be soothed knowing that the other person is still in the world and still has that little bit of magic that warms each others' hearts.

There. That was such a pleasant time we shared together. Let's do it again soon. Sooner than soon really - I miss you.

The Easter Beagle

2009-04-11T09:17:00.000-07:00

Most days, we have a "schedule". I like to use that term loosely as I'm not perfect at hitting all things on the list.

Today was a "tight ship" day. That's another term that I like to use when referring to the days where I have to remember and do about 50 things in the span on 3 hours. Easter weekend and X decided that he wanted to split it. So, I have this morning -- right.

1. Get kids awake at 8am after staying out til 11pm at friend's last night.
(Kids were up at 8:35am - not a good start)

2. Boil eggs to dye after egg hunt.
(Got that going around 8:30am)

3. Get everyone dressed
(Ava -- done at 8:40am, Liney -- done at 8:47am, TT -- done at 8:49am, Leo -- done at 8:52am after getting kicked in the face at least 5 times)

4. Get everyone in the car
(Roger that -- 8:57am)

5. Drive to the egg hunt
(Parked at 8:59am)

6. Have the egg hunt
(Yeah! We got there right when everyone was lining up at the edge of the field. Oh, but it started to pour on our heads -- whoops! forgot the coats and umbrellas. Back to car at 9:32am)

7. Decorate eggs
(here's where it gets tricky. Never "forget" that you are boiling eggs. it doesn't take an hour to boil them, but if you do take an hour to boil them, you come home to a smoke detector going off and egg spatter in places you didn't even know existed in your kitchen. There was egg across the dining room; it seemed to have no limits. )

8. Go to Thanksgiving Point for Easter Extravaganza.
(umm, i just finished cleaning egg off every nook and cranny of the kitchen and dining room, changing all the kids into new, dry outfits, and fixing everyone's hair. i have 15 minutes to drive to Thanksgiving Point for another egg hunt and bean bag toss.)

7. Achieve ultimate mom status i.e. do all of this AND manage to take a shower some time today.

I don't think I will be able to see another egg for awhile.

Sweet and Adorable You

2009-04-07T09:51:00.000-07:00

Oh my Ava.

The first science project request ever came home last month. Ava immediately latched on to a balloon launch she saw on some kid science show.

A: Mom, we absolutely MUST do the balloon launch like on Sid the Science Kid. I know it. It will be amazingly perfect. I will have the best science project -- EVER. (SIDE NOTE: Yes, she really does talk like this)

TT: AG, I don't even know what that science project was so unless you can tell me ...

A: Mom, I have it. Don't worry. You just put the things on the end of the balloons and let them go outside.

After a little more proding, I realized that you tied weights onto the end of helium balloons to see which ones would stay and which ones would still fly away. Ok ... science project idea: CHECK.

We went to the "party place" to purchas 12 balloons.

A: Mom, we HAVE to have the princess balloons. They're the only ones that will make the project really work. If I don't have the princess balloons then it just won't work. A.T. A.L.L.

TT: Umm, ok. I don't think it really matters, sweet pea.

A: Yes Mom. Yes, it absolutely matters (SIDE NOTE: absolutely is one of her favorite words. i think she uses it more than i say 'totally').

SO, we bought 12 princess balloons.

We went to the hardware store, and they only had 10 different sizes of washers ... so we decided to let go 10 of the balloons and keep the other 2. Yeah, should have planned that one better, but oh well. I lost $1.34 on two extra balloons -- I think I can live.

Science project materials: CHECK.

Now, we were set. I tied all the washers on, and in the meantime, I didn't notice Ava going behind me collecting all the balloons.

A: Ok Mom, we're so ready for this. I absolutely know which ones are going to stay and which ones are going to float away.

TT: Well, you have to write it down. This is your prediction, or hypothesis. Do you know what that means?

A: Of course I do. I know what everything means (SIDE NOTE: Yes, she really did say that -- outloud -- and meant it.)

TT: *cough* Ok. So, write down your hypothesis and I'll hold the balloons.

I reached out to get the balloons from her and notice that they are all tangled and wadded into a ball.

********30 minutes of untangling later (said in the frenchy voice of the SpongeBob Squarepants Narrator that I can't get out of my head)**********

Science Project Materials Prepped: CHECK.

TT: Ok let's head outside with one balloon at a time.

A: I'm ready. [She picks the balloon with the lightest washer.]

TT: Let go of it!

A: [completely panicked] Mom, it flew away!!! [She starts screaming] Get it! Get it! [She breaks down crying.] Mom, it's gone. it's gone.

My daughter is now sobbing over a science project. Maybe this wasn't such a good plan.

TT: Honey, remember how they did this on the TV?

A: But why didn't you catch it for me?

TT: Because we were sending birthday balloons to grandpa for his birthday last week.

A: [not a lick of a tear in sight] Awesome. I bet he absolutely loves them.

Science Project Complete: CHECK
Daughter Expectations Realigned: CHECK

**********2 weeks later bringing the science project to school this morning**********

A: Mom, I bet grandpa still thinks his balloons are the best.

And she was absolutely sincere.

Little Bits and Pieces of My Soul (AKA For b.)

2009-03-29T03:38:00.000-07:00

Slice of Me #1:

Slice of Me #2:

Slice of Me #3:

Slice of Me #4:

Slice of Me #5:

Slice of Me #6:

Slice of Me #7:

Slice of Me #8:

Slice of Me #9:

Slice of Me #10:

Charlotte King, Uncanny

2009-03-28T21:59:00.000-07:00

In my insomniatic episodes of late, I have taken to watching online shows of which I would probably never watch if I was just watching TV. One of those is the silly spin-off of Grey's Anatomy, which I cannot even identify without feeling like I would lose effective cool points from all of you. The Show-That-Cannot-Be-Named has a character named Charlotte King. Each episode that I have watched from this season (and unfortunately for me, I am now current with the show), I have realized that I think I might unfortunately be exactly like this girl. It's scary.

I always want to identify with these romantic, womanly female characters, but let's be honest here, I am just not like that. I am much more like Anna Scott, but my William Thacker doesn't have the guts to be that smitten ;) Well, I am romantic and womanly and emotional in brief spurts, but all I've ever know in life is that I have to keep it together no matter. I have walked away from people and things because I just haven't thought it would be worth the emotional ache.

Then, I was chatting with Disco (who has known me for almost 10 years), and he told me that I needed a guy that I would push away who would look at me and say "I'm not going anywhere so you better get used to it." Apparently, that's the only way I will find the man that's most committed to me because he insists that I push people away just to test them. Hmm ... he's probably right. I like to do that, and I reserve the right to get pissed off when they just walk away, which believe me, is what inevitably happens.

I'm telling you this because I just watched an episode where this is pretty much the plot line between Charlotte and her love interest (who, another unfortunate and telling thing for me, is the least good looking guy on the show ;)). I think I am her workaholic, driven, frigid, scared, and hidden person. It's creepy.

The Jimeister was always on about me being more open and less closed off to people. I just don't know how to do that. I only know how to be happy and smiling and myself and keep myself to myself. Maybe parts will start to creep out one day.

I'm trying to share little bits. The person I share with has no idea how freaking hard that is for me. I think he probably thinks that I'm SO open with him, and I am always like this. How far from the truth that perception is. Sometimes, it's so funny because I don't know how to be open. I can be in the middle of a conversation and I think 'I have to get off the phone now before I really tell him something' and I cut off the call and run away. Either that or I talk really spastically all across the board about non-connecting things. He probably thinks that I am a total nut job. It's just me trying to be open but being scared about it. It's not his fault, it's just how I have always been. I hope he doesn't think I'm a total idiot, and he realizes that it's a good thing. That for me, this is putting myself out there.

I'm all the good parts of myself too -- smart, nice, fun, happy, challenging, inspiring, and caring. It's getting better. I do have cohesive thoughts and discussions sometimes. But watching Charlotte has made me almost complete realize how much of a crazy person I must seem like. Good grief! No wonder it's going to be hard to find that person that just says "I'm not going anywhere so you better get used to it."

I'm so nutty that I think both of these songs sum up what I want:

New York, Part 1

2009-03-27T11:53:00.001-07:00

And to think, this was only the first night: http://bowlergirl.blogspot.com/2009/03/in-like-lion-out-like-lamb.html

I won't regale you with stories of my room change that landed me sandwiched between sexaholics that i got to listen to up to 5 times a day for 5 days (one side of me had a screamer), the rejection from breakfast for lack of appropriate attire, the Internet connection that wouldn't last for longer than 5 minutes (which makes watching porn to alleviate the first situation quite impossible), the choir groups and math clubs that were conventioning on my floor, my embarassing shoe purchase from a street vendor(http://www.zappos.com/product/7438522/color/554 -- please never remind me of the brand), or the typical New York stiletto-in-grate experience that maimed one of my favorite pairs of shoes.

Silence broken, I guess.

Talk to you later,

tt

A Slight Diversion

2009-03-14T08:06:00.000-07:00

Today is my dad's birthday. After 3 years, you'd think it gets easier. I am always a weird mix between sad and mad when I think about it. Some times I'm glad he's not here to see the crappy things that have happened in the past 3 years. Other times I want him to be here to see my babies and give me hugs. Today is a hug day.

I just want a daddy hug. Then, things will get better. It's a sad day.

Death sucks.
TT

Bouncing.

2009-03-12T12:20:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

I am out for a bit. Sorry, I got you all worked up because I was such a regular, entertaining poster, and you thought I was TOTALLY BACK. I just need a slight caesura. I'll be back - this isn't the rebuild my life timeout like the last one. Just need a little space to think outside myself. Maybe a month, maybe two, maybe a week.

You know the drill. Email is always there. Calling is always an option.

You are all #1 in my book.
Love,
TT

I Dare You Not to Cry.

2009-03-10T21:22:00.000-07:00

I have always loved this song. In fact, BG and I loved this song together many a moons ago. Right after Leo was born, I was listening to this album, and I just totally started bawling. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about him lately. This is really my song for him.

Not a dry eye in the house.

Sugar Daddies

2009-03-09T15:56:00.000-07:00

So, maybe I should get a sugar daddy for about fiveseconds because I TOTALLY WANT this.

My options in the past 12 hours are these:

*sigh* (and not in a good way)

TOTALLY NOT WORTH IT.

If you all pitch in, can I get that for my birthday?? Preferably before I go to London so I have great books to read the entire time I'm there. That would be lovely. *SIGH* (in the good way)

Hawt

2009-03-08T15:32:00.000-07:00

There are three letters to describe me today -- H.O.T. I'm talking all caps. (For those of you who really know me, I'm sure you're refreshing your browsers right now because you've never heard me talk about myself like this. I assure you, it's real, so you can put the mouse down now.) There were many signs.

1. I felt great.
2. My dress is also HOT and therefore, how could I not be in it.
3. My stilettos are beautifully amazing, and once again therefore how could I not be in them.
4. The young men stopped having conversation when I walked by and fell into an awed silence.
5. Women would not allow me to speak to their husbands without hurrying over.

AND FINALLY:

A girl that I know in the ward said in a disdainful manner, "Tiffany, you always look so amazing. I could never look like you with my life and responsibilities."

Seriously? Did you just insult me by saying I'm not responsible because I look great? Really? Or that because you have 2 kids, you can't dress amazing? I HAVE THREE KIDS LADY!!! I juggle babies on my hips in my Suzi Chin dresses, wipe spit up from my winter white pants because I refuse to not wear what I want because I have kids. If they're going to learn from me, they get to learn who I am. And unless I am working in the garden or doing some sort of sporting activity (heaven forbid), I dress. For Myself. I don't need anyone to dress for, although appreciation of the effort is always in fashion and yes sometimes I wish I had that person to appreciate me, but I'll take the cat calls from the occasional construction worker. I don't need a partner to appreciate it to want to feel great about myself. I just feel great about myself. I haven't ever felt this happy with myself -- the past two months have probably been the best of my life. I know what I want, and I want it. I deserve it.

I look great because I want to look great, and I'm not apologizing for it again. E.V.E.R.

So today, I had FABULOUS hair, GOOD makeup, SWEET-ASS shoes, GREAT legs, a WONDERFULLY fitting dress, and a GORGEOUS smile. All in all, I looked H.O.T.

No apologies.

Shut Up and Let Me Go!

2009-03-07T17:38:00.000-08:00

I wish the Ting Tings would make my stop all this craziness in my head, but I doubt even this can fix it:

Here's the pics you've all been asking me for because yeah, I don't post everything on Facebook. Facebook is not a free place. Blogging is a place where I can be free, and not care, and tell you what I want, and you still love me. Cuz hey! It's the raw, real me, and you wouldn't want it any other way.

One of my favorite places - Cascade Springs. *sigh* it was so much fun.

At the top of the mountain and the end of the day. I can't even tell you how horrible my hair was after that, and I honestly didn't even care because I was so exhausted from the week. I blame bad hair on the reason that my Brit doesn't love me because let's face it, I'm irresistible otherwise!

Ok, admission time: this picture is on Facebook, but it's one of my favorites so you get a repeat. Or you could look at it like now you don't have to sort through all the FB pics to find the best ones.

This is on FB too, but this is my absolute favorite one. He is so adorable, even with the shoes that I gave him a really hard time for wearing in public ;)

And once we were back, we took a reallyquick snapshot because I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, and Sandy was taking off her super-fly jumpsuit.

I will try to make this the official last time I talk about the Brit on my blog, but you are required to forgive me if I have a lapse. He's kind of difficult to get over.

One final: *Le Sigh*

A Laundry List

2009-03-06T10:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Target,

It's spring. Please update your color palatte accordingly. I don't want to be somber and depressing ALL year round.

Your favorite shopper.
TT

Dear Discrete Affairs,

No, I am not married and lonely, but even if I were, your email and your Web site are embarrassing and appalling. Please help society invest in some freaking morals and stop making it a horrible place for me to raise amazing kids.

Absolutely displeased,
TT

Dear Pinkie,

Could you have waited one day to give birth to your kittens?? I was trying to get the house in order for Leo's birthday, finish getting out the door for work, putting away all the laundry, and sending the kids to school on time for once, and I didn't really need 4 kittens to rescue at the same time. I hope you appreciate the fact that I have already scheduled you a "fix" appointment at the vet.

Your homo sapien adoptive mamma,
TT

Dear Mother Earth,

I'd really appreciate a weather decision here. Decide: Winter or Spring. I need to coordinate my shoes accordingly.

Rocking your world (and not in the sexual sense although one can always hope),
TT

Dear MrICan'tPlanTurnedIntoIDon'tGetTheMessage,

When a girl says she's just not that into you, she probably means it. Please don't text message me and expect an answer.

Wondering why I ever give my phone number out,
TT

Dear Lucky,

Can't wait to see you tomorrow!!

Heart You,
TT

You are the Sunshine of My Life

2009-03-05T07:30:00.000-08:00

LittleMan. I adore you. I can't seem to get Stevie Wonder out of my head, and I think it's because it's exactly how I feel about you. You are definitely the apple of my eye, and I will always be around for you, lovey.

Happy 1st birthday, baby. Here's to all the wonderfulness from the past year.

New York, My Long Lost Friend

2009-03-04T10:40:00.000-08:00

I am coming to visit you. I am coming to celebrate the First Day of Spring (and hopefully to wash the tarnish off one of my favorite days of the year!!) and usher in a bright and lovely new season in a lovely town.

New York, I know we've always had a fun time, but there are still things I have yet to do:

I really want to spend an entire day just lounging around Central Park. Oh, maybe even take a ride in a horse drawn carriage. I haven't done that yet.
Hmm, maybe visit "the Shore", but it's probably still too cold for that.
I want to visit the MOMA again (tradition calls).
And I want to eat Dunkin Donuts.
I really want to spend the night out on the town, which I haven't done since I went to NY with Disco and GirlPresident to visit BG (BG -- wasn't that night DIVINE!?!?!) a month before terrorists thought it was fun and games to play with our great nation, which is still great so BAH TO YOU ASSHOLES FOR THAT!! (Language was necessary in this case my dear readers.)

Anyway, what other fun things should I do in New York? Tell me what your favorite thing to do has been, and yes, I've hit almost all of the major tourists spots in that city.

What I really want to do is call the Brit and say 'Look, I know you're in a sucky place in life. It’s only a 7 hour flight, a 5 hour time difference, and $350. And it would be the most fun 3 days you’ve ever spent there. Then, you can go back and figure things out.' But I know he won't listen. *Le sigh* THAT would make the weekend ultimately fabulous.

For now, I'll just rely on BG, Sant, and my pseudo-Valentine date to come have fun and be entertained with how my life always seems to unfold in a most peculiar and happy way. It'll be an adventure, and I can't wait.

Next Stop: London for my BIRTHDAY!! Any peeps want to come ... BG, you're still on notice for this!!!

A Present

2009-03-03T16:44:00.000-08:00

I found the most fun present on my desk today:

I don't think I've found my life-changing pair of shoes yet because I haven't had the Cinderella fairy tale ending, and my date the other night is NOT moving me closer in that direction. I know I told some of you that I would go again if he asked, but let's be honest, it would be a total waste of my time and his -- poor boy -- because it's just not going to happen. I'm just not that into you, MrICan'tPlan.

Now, the shoes I bought a couple of weeks ago at Aldo are absolutely amazing, and MIGHT seal the deal for me one of these days:

Mobile blogging at 4:30am

2009-03-02T05:09:00.000-08:00

I'm looking forward to a new week. I'm actually excited about working
out in the morning (although I may be slightly delusional since I've
been awake the past hour and it's 4:30am). I am excited about the
Laundry Ladies coming in the morning and the Nancies coming later this
week and HandyManny's visit that is also imminent. I am excited about
work prospects this week too, which is the first time in over 3 months
- this could be attributed to possible work changes that I might know
about later this week. I am SUPER excited to be celebrating a
birthday later this week because I just can't believe LittleMan is
going to be 1 already!! I am excited to be planning a trip to New
York even if it is for business because I'm going to stay out there
and celebrate the first day of spring because I deserve to celebrate
hard that day!!

I went on a long and winding drive with Suz today, and I found a
perfect house, umm, that the owners are crazy enough to think
they can sell for $1.6MM in today's economy. We got a great laugh out
of that one. It is really great though, and to be fair, I was
expecting an $800K price tag, not over a million and a half!!

I cleaned out more of my closet in preparation for a possible big
move, which may or may not happen, but at least I'm cleaning out my
life. I think all of this has contributed to my uplifted spirits.

I want to plan a roadtrip with my kids the last weekend of March.
Anyone up for going to Moab?

Amazingness Abounding

2009-02-28T20:45:00.000-08:00

I was getting dressed tonight for my Saturday evening blind date, and something fabulous happened. I'm talking MUY fabuloso. I pulled out my favorite pair of Seven jeans that just always make me feel amazing even on a bad hair day like today. I haven't put these on since I was pregnant with Leo. And TADA!!! A size 27 onto my ass. I glowed. Only 5 more pounds to go and I'm back to where I was before Leo got here. WOO HOO!!!!

Oh, and the date was fine -- nothing more, nothing less. At least he wasn't a serial killer as I'm still alive to tell the tale.

And did I mention that I FIT MY JEANS!!!! :)

Email is a Pain in the Arse

2009-02-27T23:55:00.001-08:00

It's really hard NOT to email someone you want to talk to when it's 1am and there's no one else awake, but that person. It's so hard that you basically have to come post it on your blog so that you don't break down and send the email. Why is email so freaking easy to do, and yet so destructive at the same time? The worst part is when you know you aren't even on that person's mind. Blah.

Dear MSN Live -- I NEED MY HOT GOSSIP BACK so that I have something to do at 1am.

Dear ABC -- This is not the week to repeat all my shows so that I have nothing to watch at 1am.

Dear Hulu -- You suck because none of my shows will play without significant lag.

So instead, here's my non-email to my non-friend:

Dear non-friend.
I miss chatting with you. I know it's only been a week, but hey, it was fun to chat with you because it relieved a LOT of the stress from the work day and made me smile. I had lots of stress this week, but in the end there was some good stuff too. I can't share either with you, but I wanted to.
Peace out.
Tiffany Twisted
PS. Frou Frou -- Hear Me Out

And instead, here's my shout outs to some peeps. (as usual, don't be offended if you aren't mentioned because I'm sure I'll mention you at some point or another -- and keep in mind, it's 1am!!)

Dear Azu -- Thank you for not being mad when I yelled at you for not being around when I had a total meltdown and cried at work. Crying at work puts me in a bad mood because I don't like to show weakness (at work anyway). Although I did just email you and you haven't emailed me back. What's up with that?? You are always awake when I am.

Dear BG -- I think I'm coming to New York the 3rd week of March to visit customers. YEAH!! I can't wait to see you. Girls Night Out in NY sounds divine. Oh, and want to come to the UK with me in April for my birthday?

Dear iieee -- We should go out soon. We both need a little booty shakin' and I need some hilarious chickas in my life. You fit that profile, and I don't mind being seen in public with you. Rock on, divalicious babe.

Dear Lucky -- Can't wait to see you next week!!!

Dear Demon that Possesses My Stereo and Turns It on Every Morning at 1am -- STOP IT!!!!!!

Love to the Masses,
TT

Makin' Life Easy

2009-02-27T19:14:00.001-08:00

One week of working until 7:30pm each night + One week of no lunch breaks + One week of continued illness + One week of listening to an irritating mother + One week of nanny chaos + One week of not seeing my kids almost at all

=

One Laundry Service starting Monday
One Maid Service starting next Thursday
One new nanny starting as soon as I can find her
One painter to use the paint I bought to actually beautify my house
One handyman to actually install the dishwasher correctly and fix all the walls in the house
One commitment to not working after 6pm from now on

=

One Tiffany a whole lot more sound and satisfied.

In the Wee Small Hours

2009-02-27T06:23:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6am because LittleMan was thinking he was ready for the day. By the time I convinced him the sun wasn't up yet, I was up for the day. The best part was that I held him for an hour before deciding to put him down, and I haven't had a chance to cuddle him like that in a long time. There's always something going on; things to do; life craziness. Sometimes, there's nothing in the world like being able to just cuddle up to your baby and watch their little face just gaze at you. Nothing else really matters.

For Dalene: A Quickie

2009-02-25T10:02:00.000-08:00

For those of you that don't get the low-down on a regular basis (and the backlog is a little out of control), here is a recap of my past 6 weeks and the major players:

Players
Brit #1 = Leo's Dad
Brit #2 = Co-worker that I've known for the past 2.5 years
Brit #3 = Co-worker that I've known for the past 2 months
ICan'tPlan = dude from online dating site
GirlyMan = dude that works with Azu
TheNasties = all other dudes from online dating sites
TT = Tiffany Twisted (oh wait! that's me.)

Synopsis
Brit #1 said he was coming in February. Let's be honest, we all know this is a farce, but I do find it interesting that I told him not to bulls**t me and tell me he's coming when he's not, and yet he does it anyway. I think this is a British compulsion. No worries about TT though. She is not effected here any longer. Although I have no idea what to ever tell Leo and I feel like a complete failure on that Mom-front when it comes to his dad. This is why Leo needs a new dad, an awesome dad, some guy who's going to really teach him how to be a great guy. I can only teach him how to be great to women and to always love his mom even when she's a nut.

Brit #2 invited me to Vegas. This was interesting because we've had a thing for a couple of years now, and at 3am the week before, I just decided to come. I, who have not been spontaneous for at least 6 years, decided to just go and hang out in Vegas. I decided to be smart and drag Susie along to maintain some sanity during the weekend. I was a lune anyway, but this turned out to be not a worry because of 3 things:

1) Brit #2, sweet as he is, had the worst jet lag known to man and I only saw him for about 2 hours on the first night and about 2 hours while he slept next to me through the performance of O - and was completely paranoid that anyone at work would discuss the fact that he even knew me. Silly man. I don't gossip about my life, oh, and I remember to flirt with everyone so no one can accuse me of anything.

2) Brit #2 had secret co-crush on Susie. This pretty much killed any affection that I may have thought I would have for him because of previous problems with ex-husband that aren't appropriate to get into in a public forum. Oh my goodness, did I actually just restrain myself? Sue, I love your guts.

3) Brit #3 happened. No matter how I tried to maintain normal relations with Brit #2, it's just not there any longer. Even my flirting has been totally maimed. Hate it. I liked flirting with Brit #2. Everyone needs a stand-by flirt.

Brit #3 met me in Vegas. For me, there have been exactly 2 people in my entire life that I have met and had an undeniable connection with that was so unbelievably strong that despite all common sense, I just can't help it. Brit #3 and MrAtlanta (who I was with for 3 years and off/on for another 3 years and would still be with, but I was young and dumb and now it's impossible and that's that). Sad as this seems, even the X wasn't this connected. And it's not about sex. I can do sexual tension and walk away unscathed. I don't do mental/emotional connection and walk away unscathed very well. One slight complication: his fiance. I probably would have felt horrible about the fiance thing except that I actually had one of the most genuine and amazing men (who is also a bishop although this doesn't really mean much sometimes) tell me that until it hits the point of marriage, people should never feel constrained if they find the right thing somewhere else. Brit #3 was a pretty smooth talker too, although I know that I deserve to have a man really and honestly want me like that, I just don't believe that a man would actually ever love me like that. I can't imagine a man would actually make a sacrifice in his life for me; change things, want to just do it and make it happen. It is what it is, but he's happier in his current life, which isn't a fault as I'm sure it's a great life. I just wish he would have wanted to close his eyes and take the leap with me. THAT would have been amazing.

MrICan'tPlan has asked me out every weekend for the past 2 months, and I finally sent him a text last night saying I could do this Saturday. Mostly, to take my mind off Brit #3, and take Jim's advice to just say yes and think of it as practice even if it doesn't go anywhere.

GirlyMan flirted with me toward the end of really sad last week when I figured out that Brit #3 wasn't going to change his life for me. GirlyMan is a baby though so I doubt it would ever work, but I have people telling me that I need an older man and people telling me that I need a younger man. He is a tad on the young side (I'm being generously nice here as he was born in a completely different decade than I was), but hey! If he's cool with it, I'll take a chance. Mostly, because he's just the "fun" side of life and I don't have to think about anything serious with him. Who knows, maybe he thinks I'm a total old maid now that we've finally met.

TheNasties continue to ask me out and completely dim my hope that TT really ever will find anyone worth it.

So, generally been kind of painful experience, but I wouldn't trade it in as I absolutely adored someone for a few moments in my life. That is a great thing to have had. I would trade in the outcome because I have little glimmers of what it would be like, and it would be so happy. I love having a happy life. I have one, and I'd trade in anything for more happiness in my life. Although I just can't succumb to dating TheNasties to find more happiness. I do have SOME limits.

I'd Give Up Forever to Touch You

2009-02-24T21:54:00.000-08:00

As a consolation prize for once again deflecting heart damage on the man front, I bought some fabulous new stilettos:I actually bought them in hot pink, but it's the same shoe. *Sigh* Shoes can really soothe the soul, oh and make you look so hot that people walking by can't help but gape at you. If you keep it a secret, I will tell you that I actually bought two pairs of consolation prizes tonight. Pair #2:

Grins & Giggles

2009-02-23T13:40:00.000-08:00

The Avinator: Mom, I seriously put my leggings on this morning and it's not even cold outside.

Mom Thoughts: And there I was imagining how serious she looked putting her leggings on before I realized that she's just throwing that word in there and talking JUST LIKE ME!!

Line: Mom, I growed lots of inches since you last saw me, and next, I'm going to be 5 whole years old.

Mom Thoughts: A) I'm a workaholic and B) her birthday was about 3 weeks ago and she's already going to be 5 soon!!!!

Leo (staring intently at his binkie): Dada. *pause* Dada. *pause* Dada.

Mom Thoughts: What happened to Mamamamamama. I like that phase a WHOLE lot betta!

Sign Off.

2009-02-22T12:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Brit #3,

It's true - you stole my heart for about 5 weeks. My heart is absolutely amazing, and you haven't earned it yet. So, I'm taking it back. I'm the ubber-bomb when it comes to women, and you will never find anyone as amazing as me. But go back to your life and figure it out. Once you figure out that I'm perfect, you can come get me, and maybe I'll still be around.

Until then, if you ever speak about my kids again, I will break you in half. Actually, if you ever use another woman's kids to get to her, I will break you for that too. That was the most not fair of all the lines dished out. Seriously, kids are off limits, unless you are for real, which you weren't. Also, if you ever mention the fact that I had a crush on you, I will have a paper burning ritual with your name on it to curse you for all lifetime.

Now ... back to my own life.

Dear Mr Man with the Girly Name,

Yes, you can ask me out. You're cute, and it was fun to flirt with you. Thanks for the pick-me-up on Friday.

And ...

Dear MrIcan'tPlan,

Yes, we can go out next Saturday. Sorry for ditching you this past weekend for the Brit even though you didn't know it was for the Brit. Yes, I will text message you.

And ...

Dear Brit #2,

Yes, I'll be your neighbor soon, and I'm excited too. Tell me where are good places to live with the kids so I know where to look next time I'm over. Yes, you can be my tour guide and help me find somewhere to live.

Twisted Makes You Smile With Your Heart.

2009-02-22T08:39:00.000-08:00

Sunday mornings are the best. It's like the last part of the Saturday memories are clinging to you, and you can snuggle up and have one final smile before starting to prepare for the upcoming week. It is an apropos ending to a lovely cognizance.

Swimmingly

2009-02-20T00:35:00.001-08:00

You know when you're so excited about something that you get that glow just if you think about it? The one where your heart swells up and you can't seem to quite wipe the little smile off your face? That's how I felt all yesterday. I'm happy to report that you are all dreadfully wrong in your assumptions about what was making me feel that way.

No, it wasn't you.

No, it wasn't an International Man of Mystery.

No, it wasn't the room service, or my new stilettos, or my sassy bootay-teee.

It is simple: my cute babies were coming to stay the night with me. I haven't seen them for more than an hour since last Friday (the girls at least and probably Leo since I was pretty much comatose all Sunday and most of Monday). Play games, go swimming, watch Perry Mason, eat cookies. The first few minutes were bliss, and then it was clear: they would have to go. The air quality at the hotel was poor enough that my kids couldn't breathe after being in the room for about 2 seconds!!!

Dear stinking 4-star (although I don't really believe it) hotel: You are ghetto! From, TT

It was kind of nice to realize that I love those three little people to absolute, adorable pieces.

Recommendations

2009-02-18T03:18:00.000-08:00

I recommend never posting on your blog after midnight, or 1 am, but DEFINITELY not after 3am when you really should be in bed.

I recommend sleeping the night before you have a huge presentation in front of a couple hundred people, and who cares that the demo has not yet once seen a complete end-to-end playback except when you're in your office and no one is actually watching.

I recommend not staying in a hotel that has Internet issues because on the off chance that you can't sleep, you also can't get up to speed with your latest TV programs online either.

I recommend that if your cell phone dies while you're in a hotel that your backup cell phone has long distance calling so that you can call someone who MIGHT be awake when all others are not.

I recommend ordering room service even when you ultimately think that you're too stressed out to eat and decide against it because you never know when you're actually going to get the munchies.

I recommend remembering to bring water into your hotel room because without a mini-bar, the tap water is really rancid.

I recommend not catching up on email, posting on Facebook, or any other highly tempting time occupying *cough* wasting experiences.

I recommend sleeping pills during the week of stress.

I recommend not mixing up your daytime and your nighttime medicine the night before a large presentation.

I recommend trying to catch up on sleep when you have extreme illness.

I recommend always making at least one snow angel in the freshly fallen snow.

I recommend laughing at any chance you can get.

I recommend a good book.

I recommend looking both ways before crossing the street.

I recommend getting your groove on every once in awhile.

I recommend people keep their opinion of other people's lives to themselves at all time.

I recommend riding on the London Eye.

BUT most of all,

I recommend you just live your life to its fullest and be the happiest person you know how to be.

In the end, you'll get it right :)

Sigh of Relief from the Masses

2009-02-17T17:41:00.000-08:00

FYI: It was all talk (well, probably not really but it's complicated so it's sucky). So good thing MrIcan'tPlan asked me to do something Saturday afternoon so now I can do something other than hang out with the Brit. Most shocking moment, he even asked me Monday night.

And no I will not admit that I've just been crying my eyes out, which actually surprised me because I thought I had that all under control and had convinced myself that I didn't really have one ounce of feelings for the Brit.

Feel free to send flowers. I'm at the Little America until Friday! Flowers always cheer a girl up. And strawberries. And room service. I'm ordering room service now.

A Curse Upon This House

2009-02-16T15:40:00.000-08:00

I have THE PLAGUE. Now, that might sound cool, but it's far from it. I speak like a frog, my body aches, and I want to lie in bed snuggled up wearing sweats and watching House re-runs all night. I seriously came thisclose to asking the Brit if he just wanted to stay in and order room service and watch crappy American TV.

I contracted the plague yesterday. I stayed in bed hyped up on Nyquil until this morning. I tried to pack for this insane work week. I hate all my clothes. Who packed these things? Better yet, who bought these things in the first place. I must go shopping now, and yet, I can't function to go shopping because I HAVE THE PLAGUE!!!

I was so bottomed out on Nyquil that my engaging personality and charisma were paralyzed. I actually wanted to be out with the Brit, and I wasn't nervous or awkward, but I was mute. (I know this part is highly amusing to many of you considering I am hardly a mute, but I stake my life on it.)

Oh, and who the HELL closed Ruth's!!! I just wanted comfort food since I had to be out and about, and Ruth's is torn to shreds. Completely. I almost cried because I had been dreaming about the pot roast ever since I forced my body to function this morning. It only obeyed because I promised her the pot roast!

Also, NOTE TO THE DAMN OLYMPIC PARK: When it's a freaking holiday, don't close all the rides!

In case you were wondering, it was a highly entertaining afternoon. Although there was this lovely little lunch at The Bistro 412 (which some of you know I adore and have visited there with me before). The snow fall was quite beautiful, and I would have been absolutely ok with sitting there all day doing nothing else.

I'm now locked in my hotel room trying to decide if I head over to the Gateway and get something decent to wear. I have to speak for 6 hours tomorrow, and I'm going to look the opposite of cute. I need cute in my life. Otherwise, I should just take a nap for the next hour and a half even though I'm afraid I won't wake up. Seriously, does anyone want to come snuggle with me even though I do have the plague?

I Heart You.

2009-02-14T11:19:00.000-08:00

I know you all think I'm whipped over the Brit. Let me clarify. I (L)ike the Brit. I really (L)ike the Brit a lot, but even in my insane crush state, I am not an idiot. I do not sit idly by until said Brit wants to incorporate me into his life. It's complicated what can I say??? My (L)ike instinct is to protect the heart so I have carefully boxed it up over the past few days. If it's supposed to happen then just like magic, the box will melt. If it's not, the I'm pre-packaged to not get hurt, although seriously, after what has already happened in my life, that hurt can't compare at this point in the relationship. (Azu -- do not leave me comments or emails about how I'm never going to find someone until I'm prepared to just let them see who I am without any boxes. It'll come, I promise.)

I am hoping that you all just wiped your brow in relief. I seriously do not really believe in Prince Charmants anymore. Sad, isn't it? The Brit does say all the right things, and about half of me wants to believe. Maybe it's true, but that's what the divining week ahead is all about. If it is, I will tell you all that MAYBE I believe in Prince Charming again. If not, I don't have to worry. You guys possess them all anyway!!! :)

So, I met another guy back at the end of December. He has asked me out every other week since then. This might sound like I'm trying to avoid him, but it's not really the case. The problem is that he asks me out on Thursday night around 10:30pm for THAT weekend. Hmm, I know single guys are completely self-absorbed, but what part of I HAVE 3 KIDS to coorindate doesn't seem to sink in?

My favorite was this past Thursday, as in 1.5 days ago. I received the requisite email:

Hey Twisted,

I've got some time this weekend. What do you feel like doing? Are you up for some Racquetball?

Excited to see you!
Mr. Ican'tplan.

Now, realizing Ican'tplan doesn't have children, I have sweetly explained to him that I do and it's kind of hard to find a babysitter last minute -- and do you make last minute plans with a girl you have never gone out with on freaking Valentine's weekend? Hmm, I think this is cynical me setting in because maybe I'm suppose to see the romance in all this. Is racquetball romantic? I think I missed that memo in Romance 101.

Anyway, we all know that I have pseudo-Heart date tonight. I.E. This simply means that I was asked out by a guy that I can't really date and so we're dragging along 2 other girls so it's platonic. PLEASE NOTE: platonic does not = gay.

I'm trying to take the Jimeister's advice, if they ask, just go. But really, how many times do I have to try and make plans with Mr. Ican'tplan before I call it 'a good try' and move on?

Also, I have possibly accepted a blind date, but I have no idea if I did or didn't because I don't answer my phone for numbers I don't recognize, and my voicemail box is full. I've been dreading listening to all the messages to clear it out (how can that possibly happen in 2 days!!!!)

An Interesting Idea Came My Way the Other Day

2009-02-11T13:54:00.000-08:00

I know amazing people. Honestly, I have met so many fantastic people in my life that I believe that just about everyone has some form of fabulous in them. This particular tribute is to a friend of mine named Alison, although she doesn't even know I have a blog, let alone will ever read this. Maybe I'll tell her on a day when she needs to hear it.

Yesterday, I shocked Alison by exposing my fraction-of-a-second low self-esteem. I know I have you all fooled into thinking that I'm absolutely wonderful myself, but inside I secretly just don't know. I think it's a side effect of the past two years and a few other episodes in my life, but there it is. It exists. I'm probably doomsday about myself sometimes, although to me everything else in this life is great.

I mentioned to Alison that I had all this "stuff" that I came with that would seem pretty scary to some people.

Alison says to me 'Hmm, I have actually never contemplated the fact that someone wouldn't love me because of anything since I'm really just that great. I think you're that fabulous too so if I were you, it wouldn't even be an idea in my head. You really are that great so just deal with it.'

I was floored.

She was so painstakingly honest about it that there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that she had never thought she wasn't good enough, smart enough, or beautiful enough for someone. The woman has more kahunas than any other person that I've known. And I LIKED it!!

I know amazing people, and I know they all have their little insecurities, and I apparently have mine. But this one simple statement really cleaned out a lot of my head. Seriously? I am freaking fabulous. I mean COME ON!! who wouldn't want this?

So, fabulous freaks -- I'm awesome, in case you were wondering. Why wouldn't anyone want me -- even with my 3 kids and my crazy demanding job and my nutty family -- who wouldn't care about any of that because I am amazing. Period.

:)

Music Makes the People Come Together

2009-02-10T14:40:00.000-08:00

What do I do with all the CDs after I transfer them to my computer? Toss them, donate them, sell them?

As a side note to the music day, I thought you'd appreciate the following facts:

FACT #1: Madeline's favorite song is currently: Single Ladies, Beyonce.

FACT #2: She sings it all the time, including the grocery store where people walk by and give me strange looks.

FACT #3: Her favorite line from the song is: If you like it then you should of put a ring on it. -- of course it is.

FACT #4: Ava's favorite song is currently: American Boy, Estelle ft Kayne

FACT #5: She sings it all the time, including at school where her teacher reports this to me daily.

FACT #6: Her favorite line from the song is: Take me to New York I'd like to go someday. Would you be my American Boy? -- and yes, she did tell Madeline this morning that she was a Loser (capital L) because she didn't have a boyfriend. Good grief, I think that means I'm a Loser too.

The Mind is its Own Place

2009-02-08T10:38:00.000-08:00

Once when I was little, I was playing with my Strawberry Shortcake dolls in my room. Apparently, my mom was calling me in for dinner, but I didn't hear her. I was playing. She came in my room and called me in to dinner, but I didn't hear her. I was playing. She came over and touched my head, but I didn't feel it. I was playing.

In case you were wondering, I'm still a lot like that, but age has helped my mind to kick in after someone touches me. I can still tune out the world on occasion. I honestly just don't hear a thing when I'm absorbed. My mind just takes over and I'm off in my own world. I'm not meaning to be rude; it's not a personal thing. It just happens.

Last night, I was trying to get the kids ready for our bowling extravaganza, and I called Madeline to come get her hair done. She was just in the living room playing a game. After a few minutes, I went and looked. Yep, she was still there. 'Liney, come get your hair done.' She was still there, absorbed as ever. I walked over and touched her, and she didn't move. It didn't phase her. I closed the computer top, and she finally realized I was speaking.

I laughed.

It's a good thing that my mind can make heaven of hell. I'm hoping she inherited that part too.

8 Days

2009-02-07T10:12:00.000-08:00

Rant - A Small Side Note to the Day

2009-02-06T14:28:00.000-08:00

After 5 customer escalation calls, 2 presentation followups, 3 feedback forums on my new product, 4 crappy customer emails telling me their demands, waiting for my MBO review to happen with the Boss, missing my kids, anticipation about a mtg with my CTO that was cancelled at the last second, and nice thoughts about my crush laying in bed next to his permanent one (which is NOT me - that's what i picture in my nice and cozy daydreams which are not happening right now), I am bent. I am bent out of sorts.

As a side note, I am mad that I haven't had a Coke this week, and I'm rebelling against my girly side - even as we speak - by walking down to the vending machine and getting one. FULL FAT COKE.

This is me in ubber whine mode. I am a whiner.

I'm going to go see 'He's Just Not That Into You' tonight and remember, oh yeah, you nerd! He really isn't that into you because why should he be??? I have 3 freaking kids and a super intensive job and a crazy family and a nutty ex-husband and no life, and he has a nice life without me. What is there to want there???

Ok, I'm done being a whiner now.

I have found my zen.

I am the definition of awesome.

I am at one with myself.

PS. I am still contemplating the Coke.
PPSS. I honestly feel bad for my Brit. He's in a tough spot so try not to be too harsh (at this point).

The Art of Being Girly, Part 37b

2009-02-06T08:34:00.000-08:00

It is Friday.
I am wearing a dress, a bright red dress to celebrate National Women's Heart Disease Day or something like that someone told me about. PLEASE NOTE: I am wearing a dress on Friday.
I shaved my legs this morning. PLEASE NOTE: in the winter time, when I have no significant other/partner/boyfriend/oranythingelse to actually make it matter whether or not I shaved my legs.
I worked out 3 times this week. PLEASE NOTE: At 6:30am. my eyes don't typically open until at least 7:45am.
I ate a grilled chicken wrap at McDonald's last night in lieu of the cheeseburger and fries that _might_ have somehow sounded good to me at that moment in time. PLEASE NOTE: Do not leave nasty comments about how sometimes I actually like the McDonald's Double Cheeseburger with no onions.
I have had water all week. PLEASE NOTE: I have desperately wanted at least 7 Cokes this week, but have resisted completely.

TRANSLATION OF ALL THESE POINTS: I am slowly reaching diva status. If you aren't careful, I may just radiate utter girlishness by the end of the year.

But WAIT! Before you get all impressed, I'm faltering. You all know about the crazy, last-minute Brazilian that I thought would launch me into perfect G.L.A.M.O.R.OUS status. And yes, for about 3 weeks I was in complete zen with my girlness. I was the ultimate girl. I was sassy; I was confident; I got a crush (damn him -- crushes steal some of the ultimate girl away).

Now, it's time to reevaluate my ultimate girl status. I can continue with it and finally have a New Year's Resolution to be proud of OR (this part may sound nuts) I'm at the point where I have to decide to give it up. The decision factor lays solely in to Brazilian or to not Brazilian. Actually, to Brazilian or to get lasered might be a better approach. Ultimate girl status can only be achieved by this decision.

Maybe I should start looking at this as a new adventure in pain tolerance therapy. Maybe if I do this, I might actually be able to go through natural child labor?? Hmm, yeah no, I take that back.

Maybe I just need to start researching laser centers. I don't think I could handle Round 2.

In Other News

2009-02-02T11:18:00.000-08:00

Ok. You all know I caved and joined an online dating site a few months back (and yes, I felt absolutely pathetic the whole time because I still don't believe that's how you meet people). So, today I got an email from some guy on there, and I literally logged in to this:

Now, I'm not trying to be mean, but is this a guy or a girl? (My next thought might be a little TMI for you all, but hey, it's me; I can't help the honesty sometimes) I'm all for a hot chick wanting to hook it with me, but 1) this person is not hot from either gender and 2) I'd prefer to have a stable relationship with a cute and amazing boy than just a hook up with a girl.

I wouldn't feel so pathetic except that the last few people who wanted to connect were these:

For those of you who think I'm lying, I will walk you through my account at any time. I don't necessarily think that the sun revolves around my beauty, but on a cuteness factor, I rate. Unfortunately, I haven't felt like it when these are what comes out of it. ACK!!

So seeing as my crush is so amazingly high on the cuteness scale, I'm still smitten. I didn't even feel like logging in to check it out, but everyone is going to kill me about it until you actually meet him. Then, you'll get off my back. I promise. He's cool. He might even be cool enough to merit the full Twisted heart, but we'll see. To end this post by eliminating all the searing pictures out of your head, I give you cuteness:

Good gene potential.

A little hip hop.

(and I secretly love that)

Q of the Day: how many ninjas you can take on at once?
Brit's Answer: What can I say - I'm a "Drunken Master" - as many as you can throw at me.

A Roasting

2009-02-01T10:10:00.000-08:00

BG has decided that she needs to meet the Brit. Point in fact, she has decided that I am not in charge of my own destiny (cuz I kinda failed that one the first time around) so destiny will not be permitted until she has stamped her approval on it. This is so pressing to her that she's even thinking of flying in from Jersey. OooOO, this sounds deliciously Sopranos. I wonder who gets killed if it fails the test.

So to honor a British tradition of Sunday Roast (sorry to the vegos out there), we're going to open up our lovely Sunday afternoon blog forum to whoever wants to comment. What do YOU want to know from the Brit or about the Brit? What is the one question that I absolutely have to ask no matter how scary or difficult it might be since I kind of adore him?

Or even better yet, maybe I'll set up a roasting luncheon and you can all come and take your turns with him ;) Hmm .. that might be a little much for him. You all are such lovely and personable ladies that you might try to win his heart (and iieee would do a great job at it cuz she's breathtakingly charming ;))

Anyway, ask away (LY - I can feel your sensible questions burning before I even post this), and I promise to deliver all the questions and keep myself out of harm's way, which is the whole reason why you want to know. Please restrict your questions to be those that actually are answerable, and not 'do rubber bearded chickens really crow at noon on Wednesdays'. Men don't seem to understand how to interact with that type of rhetorical questions, and we wouldn't want him absolutely failing just because he didn't know to say 'Yes.'

Love to my masses.
tt

Fresh Air

2009-01-31T04:48:00.000-08:00

You know that this past year, I've washed that Ariel costume 35 times, and we've only owned it for 3 months.

We made "Halloween" decorations and hung them on the balcony even though the rain instantly put the ruin on them.

We picnicked in the canyon and fell in streams and rivers trying to make sure we had an "experience".

We ran circles around each other and laughed to our hearts content.

Of all the things we did (which were plenty more than just this), what I'll remember the most from your past year was that you loved me -- fiercely, loyally, honestly. You loved me, and I loved you. And that's the truth we've got sweetheart!

Happy Birthday, my Princess.

I love you.

Coming To America

2009-01-30T22:29:00.000-08:00

Geez. Just when I start to think I could possibly learn to put tethers around this crush, he decides to announce that he's coming to America again -- IN TWO WEEKS.

My first thought should be: that's nice, whatever.
My first thought is: Suh-wheat! (and then my second thought is that I actually will have a date for Valentine's Day! Yeah for single me.)

Then, he asked if he could meet my family. As in my mom, my kids, my whoever is special to me.

My first thought should be: Suh-wheat!
My first thought is: Is he serious about me? What are his intentions? Is this some sort of alternative universe where he's really trying desperately hard to reel me in by faking interest in my children? (and then my second thought is that I really want him to meet my kids but I'm also completely torn because if this isn't real then I don't want him meeting my children at all, but what is going on with my heart here .... reality? or? I haven't decided yet so no he can't meet my kids until I decide.)

Then, he told me he would be here from Saturday to Saturday and wanted to spend "real life" with me.

My first thought should be: This is going somewhere.
My first thought is: This might go somewhere and how do you feel about that Twisted, or Miss UnTwisted if you're Nasty? (and then my second thought is that I think I actually have lots of feelings that might be a little past the crush phase but they also lead to lots of questions so I just don't think about them right now until he's going to actually be in the room and we can hash through some of this.)

Then, he told me that I would probably be sick of him after a week.

I simply said, "Yeah, probably."

Everything's Better with an Accent

2009-01-29T22:25:00.000-08:00

After 2 days of traveling, I arrived at work this morning for a completely packed day of back-to-back-to-back-to-back meetings from 8:30am all the way through 6:30pm. Nice. A grueling day in the office following a grueling day on the road. I was prepared.

Well, I was prepared for the day, but not the unexpected package on my chair.

Opening up the Amazon.com package, I found a great book (Ella Minnow Pea: A Novel in Letters by Mark Dunn) and the sweetest note:

Hey you - something new for you to read - let me know what you think :-)

My crush just grew to about the size of the American continent. Is he real?

(and LaY - his current person is of the female persuasion so it's not THAT hopeless, or is it?)

The Current Weather Climate, a commentary

2009-01-26T00:30:00.000-08:00

Yes, the current weather climate is slush aka pseudo-snow to some people (yes that would be me). The really heavy mushy snow that makes it impossible to turn on your windshield wipers and make any impact. The kind of snow that weighs so much, it is extremely difficult to lift one scoop without tearing some serious shoulder muscle. On the other hand, I have absolutely adored the thick clouds and the cling to you feel of the grayness.

I might be just as fickle about the weather as I am about my crush, but I thought that you (my millionsofreaders) would at least like to see some pictures before it passes, which passing I continue to hope will come any day due to the impossibleness of the situation. Alas, my crushing continues and gets worse every day, it feels like anyway. I am taking an email hiatus today and will not respond to or be the creator of any contact with said person.

Feel free to post comments on holding an intervention from me. I may need to be rescued from myself. Without further adieu, I give you Brit #3:

Taken from a page in iiieee's book: Le sigh.

The Taxi: An Urban Myth Come True

2009-01-25T00:02:00.000-08:00

FACT: I am too old to walk.
FACT: I am make enough money that I don't really have to give a crap about walking.
FACT: I wear stillettos and do not want to hike from end to end of the Strip.

FACT #3 is the most pressing of the issued.

So, we booked a hotel room at the other end of the Strip from our friends. No problem, we'll just take cabs back and forth. Well, the cab rides probably broke our bank. It was almost $15 a ride -- for less than a mile, I'm sure. Nuts!

The most memorable ride: we'll call her Stella. Stella had big teased hair. Stella had well defined make-up ala Tammy Faye. Stella was our cabbie.

Dear lovely riders:

She spent her first twenty years of cab driving in Vegas before her hiatus to Milwaukee including a short stint of cab driving. Now, she's back in Vegas and starting her next 20 years. Apparently, the cab world does not change. She is almost dating a cab driver that she kind of new before, but is just now getting to know again. Maybe she will start dating him, and maybe he's right for her. She's only a little older than he is. Maybe this will turn into a good thing. She's never been married; he has a couple of kids. They will get together and figure out a relationship from all of this.

So where are your friends? (which I jokingly replied were at a strip club.)

Oh so you all like to visit those joints? Well, Stella gets comped for delivering you right up front. $50 per boy head and $30 per girl head. Can you refer her? Can you call her if you need a ride? Can you take her business card and pass it along to your friends. Sure, Sure, Definitely, Sure.

Thanks for the ride; we'll call you soon!

Love,
Your favorite female groupies.

(It seemed like the longest cab ride I've ever been on, and it was less than a mile.)

Death by UTI

2009-01-24T09:03:00.000-08:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28819520/?GT1=43001

Seriously? Come on, honey. I guess some kinds of sex really can kill you.

PS

2009-01-22T08:26:00.000-08:00

It doesn't help that my crush sent me an email this morning saying, 'Fancy a ride in a horse-drawn carriage.' IN FREAKING VIENNA (cuz he's traveling today). *Sigh* Smitten, I tell you.

A Tad Off Course

2009-01-21T22:41:00.001-08:00

OK ... this post is a slight deviation from Vegas (yes, there's more). This post is to say that I have kind of a crush on someone that I most certainly, totally, definitely should NOT have a crush on. A someone who already has another someone -- no, they aren't married, *sigh* yet. And I have a crush on him. Kind of a big one.

He had me at hello -- except his hello was smacking his hands together and saying 'Right.'

And he sealed the deal by saying 'Hey why don't I get 4 tickets to Walking to with the Dinosaurs this weekend.' When I said 'Who else do you want to go with?' He replied, 'Well, I thought we'd take your kids.' Completely not freaking out or even looking slightly uncomfortable at the fact that I had three kids. This might not seem like a big deal, but as a single mom, it was a huge deal to me.

I have a pretty big crush. I expect it to wear off after awhile, but crushes are kind of nice sometimes. They make you feel special for a bit, and I think I had hit a point where I really needed special -- even for just a little bit.

I guess this does have to do with Vegas since I met him there. So, now ... on with the Vegas Showstoppers!!

Vegas and the Brits: A Q&A

2009-01-20T21:44:00.000-08:00

Q: So, crazy Twisted, why did you go to Vegas on the spur of the moment?
A: To see hot Brits -- well, a bunch of my Euro friends on their way to Salt Lake.

Q: And?
A: And to see hot Euros on their way to Salt Lake. Seriously my peeps, I can go to Vegas anytime. Having hot eye-candy was just the catalyst.

Q: And?
A: And how can that be resisted?

Q: Good Point. So, crazy Twisted, how much fun did you have hanging out with the Euros?
A: Well, point in fact there were the hot Brits and the crazy Danes. And I had one amazing time.

Q: What was your favorite part?
A: XS (which NO, it's not sex spelled backwards! it's this insanely hot new club that just opened in vegas on new years eve that somehow people that weren't even from my country were able to get these amazing VIP red carpet treatment). How could it not be? Unfortunately, my audience will not get to hear many of the stories from that night due to management censorship. I was in a fierce black dress and stockings (see previous post) and I was a hottie-hotterson. I did kiss a Brit and I liked it. I may have kissed two. Who can remember these things. Now, on to other topics.

Q: Like? We, your fair readership aren't really caring about the other topics.
A: Like the Winning Strategies of BlackJack I promised in earlier posts. Here are my tips: 1) fake like you can't play; 2) ask the hot boys at the table for advice; 3) avoid ordering a red bull -- it will be your downfall to looney land -- and 4) always play at the $5 table and nothing higher. Oh yeah and 5) walk away with your winnings.

The New Year's Resolution. (and yes, this is related to vegas)

2009-01-19T12:48:00.000-08:00

Forewarning: This article may be a little TMI.

There are many types of conversions. I'm sure half of you just thought about your religion; I just thought about currency (although that's not the topic of the day). Mostly because I spent the past week with foreign objects of my affection. *Sigh* I need to move -- BAD.

I made a New Year's Resolution this year to be more girly. I'm sure some of you find that laughable because I wear stilettos every day, but there are things that I just want to change and be more girly about -- like always having my nails done and not just slapping on a coat of paint so that my toes aren't sad. I got to the end of the year and realised that I hadn't had time to have one full-blown pedicure. Tragic, I tell you.

So, I very much JUMPED onto the girly wagon with both feet. I kick started the year with new hair (which I adore), a pedicure, a massage, cute clothes (well, this part of being girly isn't really new to me), and other things. Some of that jumping was excruciating, like deciding out of the freaking blue that I wanted a Brazilian. A Brazilian should not be a last minute decision that you make. This requires careful planning and reading of many Internet articles, which I didn't do until AFTER. It's a really unique experience though to sit there basically in the buff -- cuz those little panties are laughable and are out of the way most of the time anyway -- and having to smile and say nice things to someone when you'd like to be ripping their eyelashes out one at a time and giggling hysterically. (WARNING: Please prepare yourself much better than I did for that experience. I would have confessed my soul if that had been a torture chamber that actually wanted to know your secrets. Hmm, I think I did confess a little too much to this woman; hopefully, I tipped well enough. And YES, you thank these people with a tip!!)

But, Do you know something? It has made so much of a difference in my life that I could never have begun to imagine it when I made the goal -- and it's only 20 days into the year. If I keep this up, this might be a year of utter bliss!

Now, I'm sure you are all wondering how this relates to Vegas AT ALL. We all know that Vegas is the adult capital of the world, but no, I didn't turn porn star or anything that excitingly juicy. I walked into a store and suddenly my life has been changed. Two words: Victoria's Secret. Now, keep in mind, it's not like this was my first trip or anything. I buy bras from them every year religiously. Buying bras is one thing, but buying "outfits" is something very different. VS proved to me that there is a strange absolute power about standing around in stockings, thong, and bustier OR a skirt and matching bra OR panties and bras OR lacy teddy. Rhinestone encrusted bras, lacy concoctions, padded/wire/water; you name it, and we tried it on. Umm, I mean I tried it on. I won't out the other party -- well, too much ;)

I left that store with at least 10 "outfits" and only dropped $125! (yeah, semi-annual sale). And I paraded around in them for the remainder of the weekend and all this past week. Don't ask me for details on how all that layering works cuz it's tricky, but suffice it to say, wearing stockings in public makes a real woman out of you, even if no one else knows about them. It's slightly more daring if you tell one person your secret though. My passage to womanhood is near completion.

Next step: OCD cleanliness -- translation: getting a maid. I can't get into that just yet because it really has nothing to do with Vegas, and I haven't finished unpacking enough to start with that service. Stay tuned though ...

More Vegas adventures on the way.

(Just so you know and won't be afraid of how much I've actually changed, I'm wearing pigtails as I'm typing this.)

So Much for the Spoilers

2009-01-18T20:50:00.001-08:00

If your a "comments" reader, you MIGHT -- just might -- think that Susie ruined all the fun stories, but oh no, it ain't so.

Yes, we road a gondola with an Italian (or pseudo-Italian, however you want to look at it) gondolier named Antonio who sang all three of us GIRLs romantic Italian songs and renditions of Elvis Presley Vegas Highlights. He wanted a huge tip and was just brassy enough to ask for it.

Yes, we got on a VIP list Saturday night using my mad skills, where we went to 4 Vegas hot spots from the hours of 11pm and 4am. (I am even going out on a limb here to admit that Susie and I went to the Playboy club, but Hef wasn't there to greet us so we were mostly safe. Surprisingly, it was insanely more calm than I would have imagined of the Playboy name and of Vegas. No nakedness everywhere. Or maybe they just put it away when the two Mo-Mos showed up.)

Yes, I was in a sordid cat fight (that I didn't know was going on in the first place) when I accidentally backed into this lady carrying a drink. I apologized (like the nice and loving person that I am) and asked if I could buy her a replacement, which she declined. About 5 seconds later, her boyfriend was in my face calling me something, but I chose to not hear it. I looked slightly confused, asked what he was talking about, and then prayed that if it came down to it, Jamie (one of our British friends) would be beefy enough to take him out. Oh it didn't come to actual blows, and the man even acted slightly offended and sheepish when I once again tried to give him money. Then, it was all over -- whew safe and sound and BACK ON THE DANCE FLOOR. Did I happen to mention the dancing.

I had forgotten how amazing it feels to dance -- everywhere we went, the music was phenomenal. It's the only thing to do.

Stay tuned for 'The FreeWheeling Ways of a BlackJack Shark".

Vegas: The Stories

2009-01-13T21:06:00.000-08:00

Ok .. so I don't really have much content to post here most days. I know you think my life is so glamorous so I'll give you the run down of what it's been like for the past few years (possibly up to 6.5 years to be a little more exact). It would look like this:

Got the kids up, dressed, and to school/nanny - only 25 minutes late today.
Made a presentation for work. Thought I'd throw in a naked dude to make sure all the boys were watching, but decided I needed to keep my job more.
Sat in a meeting.
Sat in another meeting.
Sat in another meeting.
Took a phone call from someone who thought they could do a better job at my job than I could. Listened to all the complaints about how their ideas were the best. Listened to them rant about how I didn't listen because none of their ideas ever make it into any part of what we do, but they have the best ideas (hmm, wonder why).
Sat in another meeting.
Answered email (not the fun friend kind)
Posted REALLYQUICKLY on Facebook.
Answered email (again, not the fun kind)
Sat in a meeting.
Answered email (again, you get it)
Got home, bathed children, fed them, wrestled with them to get into bed until 11pm.
Fell asleep.

So, my friend said 'Vegas, baby?' And I said, 'No, I'm too practical these days. Wait did I just say no, then YES! YES! YES!' And off I went.

I had a FRICKIN' ball. I forgot that I was so much fun; so delightful; so jubilant. I forgot that I had a way of bumping into exciting things. I forgot that life could hold (SHOCKER COMING) such absolute delight.

Vegas consisted of: 2 hours sleep from 11am Saturday to 8pm Monday; naked girls, but not the stripper kind that I already know you are thinking about; a couple of shows called O, but not the kind that you are thinking of; water, water, water, and more water; 65 degree weather and no coats; lingerie, but not for all the purposes that you might assume; VIP lists, when I thought I was past my prime; cranberry juice, tasty!; red bulls for the first time in almost 7 years; expensive food, but cheap nights (shocking); shopping; and a flurry of kisses.

That's all I'll say right now. Maybe I'll give you more of the fun, hilariously fantastic stories in the next little while so that I have something more to say than: meeting, email, meeting, meeting, meeting, email.

Debate ...

2008-11-30T20:39:00.001-08:00

Do I downsize to a small little car or keep the SUV?

Please discuss.

The Facebook Phenom

2008-11-25T00:06:00.000-08:00

OK ... I'm weirded out. Social etiquette on the Internet can sometimes be mind-boggling. Well, life can mind-boggling, and it's just made excruciatingly weird with the introduction of the WWW.

Scenario: One of my ex-husband's old best friends "added" me as a friend on Facebook. Does anyone else think that this is weird? (Azu & BG - it is NOT the ronmeister) I mean, honestly, he liked me better. When the rat bastard *cough* I mean ex left me, he did tell him to go back to me because I was the best thing the ex could ever have. He did call me after it happened and told me that he thought it was awful and said to call him if I ever needed anything.

Scenario: Every person that works at my company that is on Facebook is adding me. A little weird that it's a social network and everyone seems to be adding people left and right. Kind of creepy actually because some people I don't necessarily want to be "watching" me.

So, am I really strange or can someone PLEASE give me a run down on socializing on the Internet. WHAT am I missing here?

Check It!

2008-11-12T23:45:00.000-08:00

Two posts in the same month. I know. You're all freaking out! Woo hoo ... a whole new world.

I've decided that I must be a certain brand of crazy. I am moving back -- or at least in the process of moving back -- to my old house. I am hoping to make the last of my trips this coming weekend. Then, I need to get a life -- a social life that is.

Anyone up for going out and doing something fun on Saturday? I'm not sure what going out anymore is so I'll need some awesome suggestions, but doing anything with anyone I know sounds absolutely stellar to me.

Oh, and I finally figured out how to get on Facebook and actually make updates. OooOOoOoo check me out. Moving up in the world. Haven't done anything extravagant in there like actually posting my picture, but one of these days!! Oh Boy!

My shocking records of the week:
1. I cooked!! I was so excited. I actually made a fabulous meal and ate every last morsel. I can't remember the last time that I even had TIME to cook. As much as I moan and groan about having to move, I think I'm actually excited!

2. I went to the Bean Museum with my kids, and we didn't have to rush home so that we could actually get in bed before 10pm. We were at the museum for almost 2 hours and still were home before 8pm. Oh no, another sign I might like this move back.

3. I filled my entire gas tank for significantly less than the *choke* normal $100!!! AND I only drove 88 miles TOTAL last week.

Love to the masses!!!

I heart New York.

2008-11-03T20:49:00.000-08:00

I used to love New York ... one of my favorite places. The more I come, the more I realize the city has lost a little bit of its charm for me, and it won't ever be THE place I want to live anymore. Sad. Although it kind of shows me that the things I want in life have changed. Don't get me wrong -- I'll always heart New York, and I'll always remember the fun times I've had, but I don't really want to go back.

Unfortunately, it feels like limbo. I feel like I'm in limbo. If this happens, then this. If this happens then this.

I hate "ifs". I've never lived by ifs before, and now it feels like that's all I have. Hmm, changes need to happen. What can change to make the "ifs" go away?? Nothing! It's all about time. So, until the "ifs" become yeses or nos, I will keep you entertained with these tidbits:

Scoop 1: An illustrious Brit is coming to visit me in January. Not the one you might think it would be, but another. Which seems to indicate I have a random fondness for the motherland, or just an insane desire to always have utterly doomed long distance relationships. You decide. All I know is that I MIGHT have a date in January.

Scoop 2: Another illustrious Brit (yes, this is the one you might think it is) has also said he is thinking of coming over in January or February. No, I am not delusional. He may or may not come. In all likeliness, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't, but I would probably be shocked if he did :)

Scoop 3: I tried online dating. Embarrassing to admit. Sad experience. I was trying to be honest and gave myself a 7 for looks so that I could be paired with other cute, but not necessarily hot guys. All I need to say is that people on the Internet apparently don't have a mirror or a grip on reality. I think I'm a 7 out of 10 (and I thought that was generous), but if the matches I got were any indication, I am probably more like a 9 or 10 from the "Internet" rating game. If you are wisping your one strand of hair all around, have three gaps in your front teeth, and wear I love hunting camouflage shirts, I am not so sure that we are compatible. I take baths.

Scoop 4: I was rejected for Speed Dating. I'm too old. I feel ostracized. I just might be young looking enough to pass, but should I? I told my friend Anna that I would go Speed Dating with her. You have to sign up online before you go. I went to sign up, and it's only for people up to 30 years of age!!!! Seriously???!!?? She is 29. Sad. I am even ex-ed from Speed Dating. She is very shy and now will not go by herself, so I said I'd lie about my age because I'm pretty sure I won't get a date from that either. Is that wrong?

Those are the tidbits for the hour. Come back as I prepare more.

Memories

2008-09-01T00:03:00.001-07:00

My dad died. It was the third strangest occurrence in my life. I'm still not quite sure how to process it, and it's been three years. I've only gone to visit his grave twice -- he understands.

His funeral was kind of a blur. I remember that my uncle John almost fell into the grave when he tripped as they brought my dad's coffin over. I would have laughed out loud except my mother was bawling. I have this random tendency towards humor when things are looking grim, although honestly, my dad probably would have laughed too.

My older brother couldn't really get through his eulogy because he got a little choked up, and the Avinator kept running around like super freak overly sugared (which I'm sure she was because I had spent so much time at the hospital for the days up til then that I can't remember how many treats she was consuming).

My family was 35 minutes late for the funeral (I probably could have predicted this, and it would have also made dad laugh because it was so typical) so I had to stand around with a few people I knew that had come to support me for a bit before they showed up. Props to the peeps.

My grandmother and uncle arrived at 1:45pm, drive straight to the funeral, came to the house for some food, and turned around and flew right back out again at 7pm. They made it home in time to throw some clothes in the car and get the hell out of N.O. before Katrina. They were homeless after that for at least 6 months, which is hard on a 80 year old woman.

Today, they're on the run again (although after dealing with hurricanes for this long, I would have just moved), and I went to visit my dad. I wanted to introduce Leo to him. Just as we pulled up, and I went around to let the Avinator out (Line was still asleep), large drops came down. I looked up and said 'Avinator, we'll need to make a dash for it if you still want to say hi.' To which she replied, 'Grandpa wants us to, silly.'

We ran over to his grave, stood by his headstone, and yelled 'Hi Grandpa/Dad. It's pouring on us. We love you.' and booked it back to the car.

As I was driving off, I remembered my dad saying, 'Don't visit me and don't bring flowers. Flowers are for the living. That's pathetic and I won't even be there anyway. That's just the old shell and all its limitations that I'll finally be rid of.'

His limitations tortured him his entire life (even led to his death), and yet he still recognized them. It's interesting to me when I see my own limitations, get frustrated over them, and want to be done dealing with them as soon as possible. I'm glad I was also reminded today that we can get over them, and here is the best place/time to do it.

I love you, daddy.

It's Shocking.

2008-08-25T22:16:00.000-07:00

I cry at the Olympics. It's a strange part of the whole experience for me. I don't know, maybe some of you are secret cryers so I might just be out here on my own.

I cried about the story of the "old" Russian gymnist -- she's my age -- who went to Germany to help save her little boy.

I cried almost every single time our national anthem played. I must be in some way secretly related to Michael Phelps because I cried at some point almost every time he came up. Mostly it was due to his single mom raising such a great boy and wondering if I could do that.

I cried when the men's volleyball team won Gold and they showed the coach who lost his family members earlier in the games.

I cried when our men's gymnastic team won a Bronze. They were so proud to have even made it that far, and they had worked so hard for it.

I cried when Lightening broke through several world records and seemed so thrilled when he made it look so breathtakingly easy (I know it's not), and they talked about his life in Jamaica.

I cried when they showed a German athlete holding up his Gold medal with a picture of his wife who died in a car accident last year.

And I thought how all these super-human were oh-so-human just like me, and yet I cheer my heart and soul out for them.

This year, as I was crying during a national anthem, I thought I would also cheer my heart and soul out for me, my family, and all the people I know who are so amazing.

Yah for all of us!

Slated for Better

2008-08-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Rosenbaum,

I almost always agree with you and now we diverge. Here, I thought I had a soul mate, and I cannot bear the angst this has caused me. I smile pleasantly at your columns and giggle mercilessly at your descriptions, but I am no longer sure of our relationship. You have disappointed me. You were almost Colbert-like in my adoration.

I must say that you apparently do not understand puzzles and why the mind (brainiacs, I believe you called them) might obsess about these things. I knew our roads parted when you claimed that reading was a better way to spend time.

*Sigh*

You just don't understand me, so we must part ways. I may be weak and come back occasionally, but I know it is never meant to be again.

Yours Quite Sincerely In Pain,
A prolific reader and an avid puzzle person

http://www.slate.com/id/2198171/?GT1=28001

UnTwisted

2008-08-20T23:38:00.000-07:00

Finally. I'm back. Feeling like my old self. Out of the darkness. Away from the anger.

You'll love it.

Can't wait.

Come back soon.